It took me many years before I finally figured out who I am, and I want to thank this blog for helping me. Here is why self-love is important.
I am pretty sure you have come across many reasons why self-love is important. But I’ve had my own self-love journey, and I want to share what I learned.
Self-love is a common word. A lot of people talk about it, but do they know what it means? Saying you love yourself is not the same as really loving yourself.
Here are reasons why self-love is important:
- You can’t properly love a person if you don’t love yourself.
- Don’t fill your life with love from other people because it makes you dependent.
- You will not settle because you know what you deserve.
Let’s begin.
Why Self-Love Is Important and How You Can Love Yourself
Before I dive deep into the reasons why self-love is important, allow me to talk about how I have learned to love myself. And it was not easy.
In high school, which was over 10 years ago, I had low self-esteem and zero confidence because I was not attractive, not smart enough, and not loud enough.
I also couldn’t believe in myself because people insulted and criticized me. They were pointing out my flaws and looking down on me because I was shy, and it was too much for my young self.
I think it is immature to belittle shy people or those who are quite introverted, not necessarily shy. But you need to be heard to get noticed in society. It sucks.
Most of the problems I dealt with in the past were connected to my introversion. People forced me to speak when I didn’t want to, and then they would judge me if I refused. Talking was “the” normal.
Consequently, I thought that I was weird. Actually, there were people who called me “weird.” It is sad that extroverts can be who they are, but introverts will be judged if they do the same.
I am an introvert, and most classrooms are not introvert-friendly. We Are Teachers shares ways to support introverts in classrooms.
It is understandable and tolerable if someone is loud. But if you are quiet and prefer being alone, something is wrong with you. Unfair?
So, the self-love journey started when I was in college, but I was moving slowly. I remember that these words kept me going: “I don’t want to be weak forever.”
People thought I was weak, so I thought I was weak.
I pushed myself out of my comfort zone. I did public speaking so that I could manage my anxiety (I was crying in public), and I learned not to be insecure and overly sensitive (I was also crying in private).
I also improved my physical appearance because I learned in high school that people would treat you better if you looked good.
I left college in 2017 but my journey didn’t end there. It took me a few more years before I finally figured out who I am. And I want to thank this blog for helping me.
As I talk about my life — past, present, and future — I can look at the situations I dealt with from different perspectives and put all the puzzle pieces together so that I can understand myself more.
The self-love journey requires mostly internal work. You need to pause and face your inner demons, and angels, to be able to succeed in this. Ready?
Here is why self-love is important, and how you can learn to love yourself.
1. You can’t properly love a person if you don’t love yourself.
Why is self-love important? You can’t love a person if you don’t love yourself.
If you don’t love yourself, you don’t have love to give to other people. You are the one who will crave love from other people.
Finding someone who will complete you may sound romantic to some. But if that someone leaves you, you will feel empty. What is so romantic about that?
I am a hopeless romantic, so there is a part of me that is looking for a prince who will sweep me off my feet.
Sometimes, I want to think that I am a princess. But I am not like the princesses in fictional fairy tales. I don’t need to be saved.
According to mindbodygreen, hopeless romantics love the idea of love.
I have my own career, and I am taking a leadership role in it.
I am not a damsel in distress either. I am actually the one who tries to save those who are in distress.
It is just that I haven’t been in a real relationship, so I want to experience being in a relationship at an intensely romantic level.
I am at the point where I have too much love for myself that I want to give the excess to someone, and I have too much excess.
I think he will also experience being loved at an intense level with me. I just want someone who can keep up.
2. Don’t fill your life with love from other people because it makes you dependent.
There is a huge difference between not wanting to lose the person because you love them and not wanting to lose them because you love that they love you.
I mentioned in my post about why some people are scared of being loved that people tend to develop feelings for someone who has feelings for them.
If the reason why you are with them is that they love you and not because you love them, you have some internal work to do.
Or external work. Back then, I was not craving being loved per se, but I wanted to be accepted by other people. It is the same.
I was insecure at the time and had low self-esteem. I felt like no one would be interested in me. When someone did, I held on to it. I thought it was rare.
I felt bad about myself mostly because I didn’t look good. Attraction starts at a physical level. I was ugly, so I barely attracted people.
Brides says the attraction stage is the honeymoon stage. It is where you feel excited being with your partner. You will know at the end of this phase if you are compatible in many aspects, or not.
If you feel insecure, the remedy might be as simple as taking care of your physical appearance. And I don’t mean undergoing plastic surgery. Just a simple self-care routine.
At the beginning of my personal development journey, I focused on my physical appearance because that was my major insecurity.
When I fixed about 95% of my issues, I started to feel confident — in person. I am not photogenic and I dislike how I look in pictures.
Sometimes, change must not start from the inside. You look in the mirror and if you don’t like what you see, you can start there.
3. You will not settle because you know what you deserve.
Another reason why self-love is important is that you will not settle if you know what you deserve.
One reason why I have been single for over 10 years and was emotionally unavailable for a few is that I had to learn not to depend on anyone.
I had to teach myself how to be happy alone and be okay with it.
I actually didn’t like the word “deserve” because it sounds like you think you are better than some people or things if you say, “I don’t deserve this.”
But that is the reality, right? You really are better than others in some aspects, and some things are just not worth your time. *shrugs*
If you love yourself, you know your worth. If you know your worth, you don’t fear walking away from anything or anyone who doesn’t satisfy you.
You know what you deserve.
Some people have impossible standards and like to think that they don’t deserve less than that. That is fine because you do you.
In this article by Bolde, having high standards is okay. Having unrealistically high standards is not.
But in my opinion, you should base your standards on what you can bring to the table if you want to get what you think you deserve.
If you want to be reasonable, though, you should be okay with not ticking off all of the items on your list. You can’t tick off all the items on others’ lists.
We tend to look at ourselves as if we have no faults, but that is far from the truth. Even the most perfect person has a negative side.
On my list, height and good hygiene are non-negotiable in the physical aspect. Being a smoker is a deal breaker, too.
In terms of character, I want someone who is compassionate, sensitive, and loyal. If possible, I would like to meet a man version of me.
Last Words
The self-love journey is never easy. It requires you to admit to yourself that, sometimes, you are the problem. You are the toxic friend. You suck.
Immature people blame others for the bad things happening to them. People who love themselves know when they are the problem.
Self-love is important because you will sabotage all of your relationships if you hate everyone, including yourself. When will you start your self-love journey?
Now you know why self-love is important!
If you enjoyed reading why self-love is important and how you can love yourself, here is a video of me sharing more self-love stories:
