Rejection is less painful than being led on, but rejection after being led on gives an out-of-this-world type of pain. Here is why people ghost!
Most reasons why people ghost are not terrible.
I have ghosted (you can hate me) and I have been ghosted. This is not a topic that I thought of writing about because it was interesting.
I am writing about this because this is a “been there, done that” situation, and I want to show you a different perspective on this.
Before I dig deep, here are the reasons why people ghost:
- They are scared of having feelings.
- They have feelings for you but they don’t like you enough.
- You seriously like them but they are just playing with you.
- You like them more and it is obvious because you are clingy.
- The feeling is not mutual but they don’t want to hurt you.
Let’s begin.
Why People Ghost: 5 Reasons Why They Suddenly Disappear
I am not an expert at ghosting: I have done it once, and it was done to me just once.
But I think people become afraid once they start having feelings for someone. Love is good, but pain is part of it, so it is scary in some way.
Some can handle the possibility of getting a broken heart, but some can’t do that, so they run away once it becomes serious.
That is the number one reason why people ghost.
Ghosting is terrible. But I know that some ghosters, if you will, don’t intend to hurt the person. I say that because I was in their position.
It was not my intention to hurt him — the person I ghosted.
If you want to apologize to someone you hurt unintentionally, wikiHow has a guide on how to do it properly.
I have been on both sides of ghosting. I didn’t ghost because I wanted to hurt the person, but because I couldn’t handle my emotions.
I was emotionally unstable, so I was not capable of committing to anyone.
I didn’t even know what ghosting was when I did it. I was 18 when I ghosted. I was 16 when someone ghosted me.
But one thing I learned from that is not to lead people on, which is why I reject people easily. I don’t want to give them false hopes.
The pain from rejection is much better than the pain from being led on, although more painful than both is being rejected after being led on.
Double kill. It could be traumatic. So, here are reasons why people ghost!
1. They are scared of having feelings.
Most of the time, love = pain. When you have feelings for someone, they have the power to hurt you. And the deeper your feelings, the deeper the wound.
You know how scary feelings can be. You are scared of having feelings, aren’t you? You might have ghosted someone in the past.
Harley Therapy has a list of psychological issues that prevent someone from falling in love. Check it out if you want to take a romantic risk.
The most common reason why people ghost is their fear of being vulnerable. They don’t want someone to have power over them.
Once you fall in love, you can’t have 100% control over yourself. Your emotions will affect your decisions. It could make you do things against your will.
2. They have feelings for you but they don’t like you enough.
There are different types of attraction, and it is possible for anyone not to take their feelings to the next level because of one thing that just isn’t there.
Maybe they are emotionally attached, but they are not physically attracted to you.
They genuinely enjoy being with you, but they got to know you a little more deeply, so they found some characteristics and features they didn’t like.
According to Brides, if everything that your partner does, even the unpleasant ones, seems cute to you, you may still be in the honeymoon phase. Once you get out of that, you will see their faults.
They don’t want to hurt your feelings, so they will step back without uttering a word, leaving you hanging. And a ghoster is born.
It is sad but it happens.
Admittedly, I rejected (thankfully, not ghosted) people because they were smaller than me. Such a small thing, but it was a big deal.
3. You seriously like them but they are just playing with you.
Some people are insensitive and don’t consider that other people have feelings, too. They don’t ponder whether their actions hurt others.
I experienced this, and it felt terrible. It happened when I was 13. I was not in love, but my past self thought she was in love, so…
It was embarrassing to think that while I was feeling in love, people were laughing at me behind closed doors.
In this article by Medical News Today, bullying is when someone or a group of people intentionally do things that hurt or cause discomfort to others.
It becomes more embarrassing whenever I think about the ugly (sorry) faces of those monsters: Why did I let those monkeys fool me?
I don’t hate them anymore because we were young and immature, but it still sucks to think that it happened to me at the age of 13.
4. You like them more and it is obvious because you are clingy.
There is always someone more interested. If the difference is significant, the less interested feels overwhelmed or uncomfortable, so they disappear.
Sometimes, with the intention of going back. Sometimes, for good.
Psychology Today explains that one reason why people don’t want to love is they fear that the other person doesn’t love them as much as they do.
Being more in love or more invested in the relationship puts you at a disadvantage, which is why a lot of people lie about their feelings.
But I think that those people who can’t bear the idea that someone loves them so much simply have attachment issues from their childhood.
Maybe they have not experienced being loved, so they can’t believe that someone could love them. They think it is impossible, so they think you are out of your mind. Or that you have ulterior motives.
5. The feeling is not mutual but they don’t want to hurt you.
Fear of “rejecting” is one reason why people ghost.
It is hard to reject people, especially if you are sensitive, because knowing that you are the reason why other people are hurting feels bad.
People who fall into this category are conflicted. They don’t want to hurt the person by rejecting them, but it will hurt the person if they ghost instead of reject.
Inc. says good people usually don’t realize it when they do bad things because the force that pushes them to do it is good from their perspective.
“What should I do?” I hear them say. No matter what they do, it will hurt someone.
This is where the person who ghosted me falls under, and I can’t hate him because he is a good person. He didn’t mean to hurt me.
Last Words
If you don’t like the person, just reject them. Don’t give them false hopes because you don’t know how much pain they can bear.
If the pain has become too much to handle, they might never want to love anymore or, worse, never want to live anymore. Sadly.
On the other hand, if someone rejects you, believe them. They don’t want to be with you regardless of the intensity of your feelings for them.
I think some people are meant to be an unrequited lover. You might be one of them.
Now you know why people ghost!
If you enjoyed reading the reasons why people ghost, here is a video of me talking about the time I ghosted someone:
