Why are some people mean? Sometimes, we need to make people hate us for them to understand that they are ruining our lives.
Why are some people mean? Are they bad people? Nope. Being mean doesn’t necessarily make a person bad. I am talking from experience!
I was mean, but I didn’t hurt anyone on purpose. I wasn’t even saying anything bad to and about them. My meanness was the quiet type.
I often ignored people, even those talking to me. That was mean! Here are some of the reasons why some people are mean:
- They can’t emotionally connect, so they push people away.
- They might be insecure, and they try to hide it.
- You are mean to them, so you deserve it.
Let’s begin.
Why Are Some People Mean? Are They Bad People?
So, why are some people mean? I was mean, so I have a story to tell.
Back then, I had a reputation for being snobbish, mean, irritable, and short-tempered. It was almost every day that I rolled my eyes at someone.
I was unapproachable. I ignored people and preferred being alone, so they thought I didn’t care about anything or anyone.
There were people I didn’t like being with, but it wasn’t always because of that. I am an introvert, so I generally don’t like small talk and socializing.
Healthline says that extroverts gain energy from being around people but introverts get exhausted if they stay in a crowded environment for long.
But I understand. Why was I rolling my eyes and being sarcastic every time? Was that part of being an introvert? No!
I hated the world and all the people in it. My life was filled with resentment, and happiness made me uncomfortable, so I was being defensive.
So, why are some people mean? It could be sadness.
Some mean people are not the quiet type, though. They insult, bring down, take advantage of, and hurt others. And it shows.
Let us talk about why some people are mean, mostly based on my experience.
1. They can’t emotionally connect, so they push people away.
Why are some people mean? To push people away!
Being attached to anyone scared me, so I was in defensive mode every time I talked to friends. I didn’t want them to be close to me, emotionally.
I don’t have relationship issues (I have not been in a real relationship), but I have friendship issues. I was betrayed, abandoned, and insulted.
And it hurt because I was emotionally attached to them. To avoid getting hurt again, I decided to remain unattached to anyone, especially my friends.
According to Verywell Mind, possible reasons why people can’t connect are poor social skills, trauma, mental health issues, and pessimism.
Acting like I didn’t care was a defense mechanism: to protect myself from getting hurt. But it was also to protect others from pain.
I knew I was incapable of being a good friend, and I didn’t want them to get hurt because of my personal issues.
I wanted them to easily forget about me, although that didn’t happen. Some friends still wanted to be with me despite my emotional unavailability.
2. They might be insecure, and they try to hide it.
My kind of mean didn’t involve insults, but I met a few mean people whose kind of mean was pure insults. No more eye-rolling, so… *egg roll*
I had haters, believe it or not. In college, a group of people were talking badly about me. They were making fun of my imperfections.
The sad thing? They were my friends!
They insulted me many times, but I talked back only twice because confrontation was not my thing. I also didn’t want to make them uncomfortable.
If you lack confrontation skills, wikiHow has a guide on how to develop health confrontation habits because it is not always bad.
It started because someone in the group was envious of me.
I was told that she didn’t like being compared to me and being perceived as “lesser” than me, so she hated me even though I didn’t look at her in that way.
It wasn’t my fault that people were comparing her to me, and that people liked me more than her. But to her, it was my fault.
3. You are mean to them, so you deserve it.
Sometimes, you are not innocent. You are mean to them, so they are mean to you.
I was mean, but not through words. But there were times I had to spill words that were not hurtful but could make the receiver uncomfortable or embarrassed.
It happened when they had become too much. Simply put, they got on my nerves!
Refinery29 says that anxious people are more likely than others to be annoyed and irritated even by simple things.
I am generally passive because I have an idea why people behave in a certain way. I write about it on this blog, so this should be obvious.
So, I understand more than attack. Hurt people hurt people after all. They may be hurt, which is why they feel fine hurting others.
I am a writer, so I know that words matter. One wrong word and I might inflict a deep emotional wound, which might lead to a disaster.
I don’t want disaster. I am introverted, so I love peace and harmony.
But sometimes, we have to make people uncomfortable, disrupt their status quo, and make them hate us for them to understand that they suck.
It is okay to be mean to mean people if they deserve it.
Last Words
Why are some people mean? Based on my experience, poor emotional intelligence, insecurities, and fighting back at mean people.
But before you think that others are so mean to you, maybe you are mean to them, too, and you just don’t know it. How self-aware are you?
The reason why I was so mean in college is that I thought the world was mean to me. But I just said it: “I was so mean in college.”
I didn’t know I was mean when I was mean. But when I stopped being mean, I realized I was so mean. Did you get it?
If we want to be self-aware, we need to take a step back from our life and look at it from the outside. Look at it as if you were evaluating a stranger.
Why are some people mean? It could be a defense mechanism!
If you enjoyed reading why some people are mean, here is a video of me talking about the time when I was mean to many people:
