We can’t choose the family we will be born into, but we can choose who we will associate with. Here is how to know when to cut off family and relatives!
I cut off family relatives whose personalities are not compatible with mine, but they don’t know I did. I rarely attend family gatherings, but they see it as me being me: an introvert who prefers being at home.
In reality, I don’t want to see some of them anymore that is why I don’t show up.
Do you feel the same way? Are you not comfortable with someone in your family? Here is when to cut off family or relatives:
- They keep asking you questions that make you uncomfortable.
- They are the reason for your bad mental health.
- They think everything is a competition with you.
- You know that they are using you.
- You don’t like their personality because it sucks.
Let’s begin.
When to Cut Off Family Relatives for Better Mental Health
I am from a family of politicians, educators, small business owners, and media people. And I dislike some of my relatives.
To cut off family is perceived as bad in the Philippines, where people are family-oriented. This is why Filipinos usually move out only once they get married.
It is the tradition.
I think I am lucky that I was born into an influential and somewhat wealthy family because I have connections, which are good for a lot of situations.
According to Indeed, nepotism is basically being biased toward familial relationships. I benefited from it several times, but believe it or not, it made me uncomfortable.
But I see greed, envy, and disingenuity at times.
We can’t choose the family we will be born into, but we can choose who we will associate with. If you want to cut off family, know that it is okay.
But depending on your culture, it may not be easy. If you are in a country like the Philippines that values family, and you cut them off, you will receive backlash.
That will ruin your mental health.
Also, it takes courage to cut off people, family or not. Can you handle the emotional consequences? You will be judged.
You need to ensure you can live just fine without them. If you are dependent on them, especially financially, you may suffer if you dissociate from them.
You may need to put up with their ballsheet before you decide to cut ties. It is not an option for some to cut off family from their lives.
But regardless if you are ready or not, or whether you can do it or not, it is important to know when to cut off family.
Here are reasons why you should cut off family members for better mental health.
1. They keep asking you questions that make you uncomfortable.
The number one question that my relatives ask me whenever they see me is, “When will you have a boyfriend?”
I am not offended. I just wanted to let you know that. I have never introduced anyone to them, so I understand why they ask.
The question that I hate being asked is related to my job: How much do you earn? Do you have work today? How does your work work?
I know they are just curious about my work; they have more money than me. But while I understand that money is important to them, I don’t like talking about it.
That is uncomfortable to me, not because I feel bad that I earn less than them, but because they don’t ask others about that.
Today says that people don’t want to talk about money because doing so might reveal how successful or unsuccessful they are in life.
I am the only one whose job they are curious about because I do things differently from them: I work with foreign people, and I earn dollars.
Sometimes, I can’t help but think that maybe they want to know whether I am working or I am enjoying my sugar daddy’s wealth.
I don’t have a sugar daddy, but maybe they think I do, especially considering I have not introduced a boyfriend to them since birth.
2. They are the reason for your bad mental health.
My childhood was terrible, and my relatives had a role in that.
When I was in puberty, where I suffered severe acne, low self-esteem, and body image issues, they made the process worse by pointing out the wrongs in me.
My introversion was also a big deal. It still is. Sometimes, I feel like I should say something, even something trivial, to not hear the question, “Why are you quiet?”
I rarely talk when I am with them, but my brothers rarely talk either. Why am I the only one who is being mocked for being an introvert? I think that is unfair.
Oprah Daily shares signs of a toxic family member.
I am not the only introvert in the family. Some of those who have a problem with my introversion are actually introverted themselves.
But my introversion stands out for some reason.
Is there anyone in your family who stresses you out? If it is affecting your mental health, it may be better to cut them off.
3. They think everything is a competition with you.
If your relatives are fighting you even though you are just breathing, ignore them and continue breathing. Or cut them off and breathe fresher air.
It is not unusual for family members to want to be better than everyone. If you are the most successful, you have the upper hand in everything your family does.
If you are the one at the bottom of the totem pole, you have no choice but to agree with them. And then hate life because it is so unfair.
My mom is the eldest child of my grandparents, and she was the poorest in the family years ago. Actually, our family was.
According to Parents, firstborns may desire to take charge because they are expected to look after their siblings. If they end up being the helpless one, it may affect their self-esteem.
My parents had debt: credit card debt plus debt to some family members. I wasn’t born into a rich family contrary to what people assume.
It is my extended family that has been well-off.
We were at the bottom of the totem people, so there was an inferiority complex. We thought life was unfair, or at least I did think that.
When 3 of 4 children graduated and started working, and my mom left my abusive father, our lives became better.
And the family dynamics changed: Some were happy, but some didn’t like it.
4. You know that they are using you.
Looking back, it seems we were leeching off of my relatives’ wealth. And I would understand if they decided to cut us off.
Some family members think that just because they are family, they should be favored over some other stranger who is more deserving.
Nepotism is an example here. I think nepotism is good, if you are the beneficiary. In all honesty, I think it is unfair, but I would like to take advantage of it if needed.
I am not the only one who thinks that way. If there is an easy path to get something, will you refuse to walk down that path?
I agree with Alina Bas that just because it is easy doesn’t mean it is wrong, and just because it is hard doesn’t mean it is right. The right path can be an easy path.
Nonetheless, I think nepotism is more of a privilege than a method of exploitation. When you got a job because of a relative, you didn’t exploit them.
That is just how family works.
You will know that a family member is using you if they receive significantly more than you do even though they exerted significantly less effort than you did.
Like what my uncle did to my brother: He asked him to design his house because he is an architect, but the total payment he received was — unprofessional.
That is exploitation.
5. You don’t like their personality because it sucks.
I dislike some of my relatives. I believe some dislike me, too. It is okay to dislike people because their personalities suck or there is zero compatibility.
They say blood is thicker than water. But I see people as individuals who need to navigate life by themselves. After all, we die by ourselves.
So, it is okay to cut off family in my opinion.
Maybe it is because I have been single for so long and don’t prioritize friendships, so I am too individualistic.
But that is the truth: Once you die, your family and friends will weep, but they will move on. Their lives won’t stop when yours stops.
wikiHow suggests ways on how to go on living when someone you love dies.
I love my mom, and I might get depressed if she dies. But I know that I will move forward regardless because my life will go on. And that’s what she wants.
What keeps me connected to my mom is not the fact that she is my mom. It is the bond that we have shared. We are emotionally connected.
But if what connects you to your toxic relative is just the blood, you can end the connection. You don’t want their toxicity to pass onto you, by blood.
Last Words
One reason why I quit social media is that I don’t want some family members to talk to me anymore. Some!
I also deleted their numbers on my phone so that they go to my blocked list whenever they call me. I block unknown numbers.
Their text messages will still reach me, but I am using an Android phone. They will not know if I have seen it. I am literally out of their reach.
When to cut off family and relatives? When it becomes uncomfortable being with them.
If you enjoyed reading when to cut off family relatives, here is a video of me talking about my issues with my relatives:
