After a few weeks of being on Bumble, I don’t open it anymore, and I failed at it once again. Here is what it feels like to be single for 10 years, and more!
Have you ever wondered what it feels like to be single for 10 years or more? I think you have because you wouldn’t want to read this post otherwise.
I have been single since October of 2010. Let me share with you how I feel and behave as a result of being single for over 10 years:
- Finding someone to date is difficult because you are not interested in finding one in the first place.
- You may worry about the possibility of not getting pregnant at a certain age if you want to have babies, but at the same time, it is fine.
- If you don’t have a sexual history, dating is harder because you will want to ensure the right person pops the cherry.
- Sharing your life with someone doesn’t seem a good idea because privacy and individuality are important to you.
Let’s begin.
What It Feels Like to Be Single for 10 Years and Counting
It might be good to talk about my relationship history, which is kind of blurry as I don’t consider them my ex-boyfriends. But fine.
In 2009, I was in my freshman year in high school. I met my first boyfriend at the time, and “we” happened at the start of the school year.
He was a good person, and so intelligent. He was consistently the top 1st in his batch. He was a year older than me.
We lasted one and a half months. We never went on a date. We never even talked in person. We communicated via text or social media, and that was that. Weird, right?
Also in my freshman year, I entered into a relationship with someone who was also a year older than me. He was my first boyfriend’s batchmate.
But this second boyfriend was someone I met at the end of the school year, and it lasted for five days. It was from March 8th through 13th in 2010.
I think that was the funniest relationship I had. But I admit that I liked him first.
He was my crush, but a not-so-serious super-low-level crush. Despite that, it was enough for me to get his attention. He became interested in me.
Some people like to make fun of those who like them because it strokes their ego. And I was made fun of. He just used me so he could be close to his crush, who was my classmate (I was not close to that classmate).
But we were young and dumb. I don’t hate him. It was not serious after all.
Months after we broke up (wow), I met my third boyfriend, and it gives me goosebumps whenever I think of that relationship.
It lasted three months, but it should have ended the day before our first monthsary if only I hadn’t been an idiot at the time.
Rappler explains that a monthsary is basically the monthly version of an anniversary. If you became official on the 10th of June, your first monthsary would be on the 10th of July.
But this was the first guy I dated (we watched a movie in a cinema with my friend because I didn’t want to be alone with him) and who gave me a rose.
He needed to do that so he could win the bet.
That was the end of my relationship history. From October of 2010 up to today, I have been an unrequited lover.
But I met some guys that I knew I could be in a relationship with if only I had lowered my standards or I hadn’t ghosted. But that is for a different post.
Ultimately, it has been unrequited love for me since I became single over 10 years ago. Here is what it feels like to be single for 10 years and counting.
1. Finding someone to date is difficult because you are not interested in finding one in the first place.
I had a Bumble Premium for a week hoping that I would find someone I at least wanted to talk to, but I still couldn’t swipe right.
But I accidentally swiped right on someone. It made me so nervous as it felt against my will, so I unmatched him right away. We matched.
There are a lot of factors that make me hesitant to date someone.
I am the kind of person who values emotional connection, so I prefer dating anyone I know in real life. I am not for dating apps.
I have a nonexistent sexual history, so I am worried that they might take advantage of me if I told them I am what society calls a virgin. I will talk about this later.
I have many projects and, unlike them, who work for one business entity, I have to talk to many people with different needs and goals in my professional life.
Psychology Today explains that a relationship can be stressful because our ideas, opinions, and beliefs may clash with the other person’s.
A lot is going on in my life, and I don’t think I want to add a new source of stress.
And then because I have been single for so long and I have improved myself over the years, I want to break the record with someone who is worth it.
I like saying to myself, “I didn’t become single for this long just to, for example, be an option or to be treated so badly.” I think I know my worth?
I am also not confident that I can love just anyone wholeheartedly because I am picky when it comes to my emotional dealings. I don’t want to give false hopes.
I am also taller than many people in the Philippines. I cross paths with many guys in real life, and about 80% are smaller than me or as tall as me.
Many guys lie about their height online, and I don’t want to be disappointed.
The bottom line is, I have standards and I stick to them.
2. You may worry about the possibility of not getting pregnant at a certain age if you want to have babies, but at the same time, it is fine.
I like babies, and I am hoping to have my own in the future. But I will need a guy to make it possible. This is one of the goals I can’t achieve by myself.
Sometimes, my age worries me because women can’t give birth to a child forever.
But my mom had my little brother when she was 35, and my aunt gave birth to my youngest cousin in her early 40s. I am only 27, so it is too early to worry.
In an article by Healthline, women may struggle to get pregnant after age 32, but it doesn’t mean that it is impossible to get pregnant.
But I will not enter into a relationship just for that. The thing is, while I like babies, I also love being alone and not having dependents.
I can do whatever I want. I don’t have huge financial responsibilities.
Some of my close friends have also been single for so long if not since birth, so I am not being pressured to settle down or whatever.
But I get asked when I will have a boyfriend. I don’t know either.
I think you will more likely be pressured to get married and have children if people around you are already at that stage. That is not the case for me.
3. If you don’t have a sexual history, dating is harder because you will want to ensure the right person pops the cherry.
It is 2024, and casual sex is normal now. But I am not a fan of that. I prefer sex that is passionate and filled with love.
I am not sex-positive. I am saving myself for marriage. I want to do it with someone I love and who loves me. And I am willing to stay a virgin until I die if I need to.
But that’s not to say I am asexual. I think I have a high libido, but only for the right person. I am demisexual. I need an emotional connection to want sex.
Verywell Health says that demisexuals will not be sexually attracted to someone they are not emotionally attracted to.
Different people have different goals in dating. Some want a pleasure-based relationship, while I want it love-centered with marriage and children.
I don’t think being a virgin is superior, but I want the cherry to be popped by someone who may not end up as my husband but will do it out of deep love.
4. Sharing your life with someone doesn’t seem a good idea because privacy and individuality are important to you.
Whenever I think about marriage, I always wonder if I can ever share my life, goals, money, and everything with someone. And I think that will be difficult for me.
I have always been alone. I have dealt with my problems alone. I have created this life I am living right now alone. I have earned my money alone.
So, I should enjoy it alone.
It is not because I am selfish. I am actually generous. But I don’t like it when people touch my things, talk about my life, tell me what to do, and so on.
According to Bonobology, one of the negative things that happen when you have been single for too long is that you become less cooperative.
I think that is good because I can survive without anyone. But I know that too much individuality and desire for privacy is not good anymore.
But this is something that I can’t have a definite answer to right now. Maybe once I find the person I want to marry, being more open might come naturally.
Lately, though, I am not interested in getting married. If I didn’t change my mind sometime in the future, my individualism would help me go on with life.
Last Words
I may have been in a few relationships, but those didn’t feel like relationships as we didn’t do what couples do, so I feel like I have been single since birth.
Sometimes, I forget that I ever entered a relationship over 10 years ago, so I unconsciously say, “I haven’t been in a relationship.”
NBSB is a term for women like me in the Philippines. I am not sure if other countries use it. It means “No Boyfriend Since Birth.”
If you are a guy and you have never had a girlfriend, you are an NGSB. “No Girlfriend Since Birth.” It is used as a title for people, but not a bad title.
So that’s what it feels like to be single for 10 years and more!
If you enjoyed reading what it feels like to be single for 10 years and counting, here is a video of me talking about the benefits and struggles of being single:
