Many think that if a person is alone, they are sad because they don’t have friends. There are many misconceptions about introverts, which make their lives difficult. Here are the struggles of introverts and quiet people!
I would like to talk about the struggles of introverts and quiet people because many are unaware of these.
In fact, in college, when a professor posted something about this on Facebook, I felt heard for the first time. Finally, someone said it!
I have been an introvert since I was born. But during childhood, I had some extroversion in me because I was a child, playing with friends and cousins.
But when I became a teenager, I suddenly became the shyest I’ve ever been. Here are the struggles of introverts and quiet people I experienced:
- Some people look at quiet people as if they are weak and have no backbone.
- If you prefer being alone, you are weird and maybe toxic.
- Schools expect everyone to participate in classroom activities without any regard for their personality types.
- You stay in the corner to avoid attention, but you gain attention by staying in the corner.
- It is okay to ask why someone is quiet, but it is rude when you ask why someone is loud.
Let’s begin.
5 Struggles of Introverts and Quiet People in Society
It is hard to be an introvert in this society because people expect you to say something when they do.
Today, I still get asked, “Why are you so quiet?” And I can’t forget that time when I went on a vacation and the taxi driver asked me that.
I heard that question many times as a teenager, and it always made me uncomfortable. I felt there was something wrong with me.
I haven’t gotten over that feeling, so I still dread hearing that question.
My fear of hurting people makes it more difficult to deal with. As much as I want to fight for myself and ask them why they are bothersome, I know it would make them feel uncomfortable.
I am not as insensitive as them.
And if I had done that to that taxi driver, he might have taken me anywhere but my actual destination. This post wouldn’t have existed because I would be dead.
I think one of the reasons why introverts act like doormats is that they are sensitive people, unlike those who judge them for who they are.
They live inside themselves, so they are aware of how their actions might affect others.
They process their emotions immediately (or more quickly than non-introverts) and think things through before they act.
I am not saying that extroverts are careless and disconnected from their inner selves.
But these people spend so much time in their external world, and many of them do that to run away from something inside them.
They like to have fun. Sometimes, “having fun” to them means making fun of others. I was made fun of many times, and that was not funny.
According to Verywell Mind, extroverts love being the center of attention. In my experience, some of them are willing to put others in an uncomfortable situation just to get that attention.
I don’t hate them for it because I have hurt people, too.
I had many extroverted friends because I still had the energy to put up with them. However, I eventually reached the point where I got tired of doing things their way.
Now, I don’t want to spend time with them anymore even though the friendship still exists. I think I am doing them a favor because they don’t need to put up with my non-cooperation anymore.
Here are the struggles of introverts and quiet people in society. Introverts struggle. *whew*
1. Some people look at quiet people as if they are weak and have no backbone.
I hate high school, and I mean to use the word “hate.” I hated it so much that I cut off all of my high school friends and everyone I met at the time.
But I don’t totally blame them. I did embarrassing things that I don’t want to be reminded of anymore. Such a pain to think about those.
High school is the best time for some people, including my younger brother.
What to Wear Men says that high school is the best for some people because their responsibilities and making friends are easier.
My younger brother still talks every day and goes on vacations with his high school friends, and I just want to say “wow” sometimes.
One of his high school best friends got married, and he was the best man. Wow.
The most introverted version of me existed in high school. I barely spoke, and people would want to celebrate when I did.
I was perceived as weak, so two guys who became exes decided to play with my feelings. But I have moved on.
High school = puberty. I was also in my ugliest state, so that made my life even more painful. I was ugly, confused, and shy. Living in the phase of immaturity, having those traits meant I was a failure.
People were bringing up the pretty, smart, and loud and ignoring if not pulling down the unattractive, slow, and quiet.
That was the recipe for a distorted idea of one’s self-esteem, self-confidence, and capability. I had believed I was worthless.
2. If you prefer being alone, you are weird and maybe toxic.
I was called “weird” in college because that was when I started training myself to be comfortable being alone.
In high school, I was codependent and got jealous easily whenever my friends had other friends.
That was a toxic trait, and I realized that when one friend told me, “My world doesn’t revolve around you.”
That was painful at the time, but she was right. That was one of the truth bombs I willingly accepted.
We don’t talk anymore, but we could be friends if we decide to. No hard feelings.
I slept over at their house many times in the past, so her family knows me. My family knows her, too, so we are okay. What brought us apart was growing up.
We became different people, gained new friends, and set life goals that just don’t align anymore. That is normal among high school friends.
Sometimes, people just need to tell you something that will change you forever, and then they will need to leave.
If one friend always vents and the other friend always listens, that may be a codependent friendship as per Psychology Today.
But people telling you that you are weird for wanting to be alone is not life-changing. It is just annoying.
Many think that if a person is alone, they are sad because they don’t have friends. Some even would take a picture of them and post it on social media as a meme.
It is common where I am, but no one has done that to me.
Doing things alone actually has many advantages.
You move quicker, go wherever you want however you want, spend just on yourself, think more clearly because no one bothers you, and the list goes on.
I experienced wanting to be with people all the time. I was codependent, and I think that’s worse than being alone.
3. Schools expect everyone to participate in classroom activities without any regard for their personality types.
The professor I talked about at the beginning of this post was my favorite.
He was laidback and a deep thinker. He taught philosophy and logic, and I think his field drew me to him.
He was very much respected because he has always been vocal about his opinions and thoughts both in person and online.
I think he is an introvert that’s why he talked about the struggles of introverts in classrooms, but a self-assured introvert.
He didn’t like monitoring attendance and tardiness and was just doing it because that was required.
Part of the reason why he didn’t like monitoring attendance is that he was often absent himself. We loved him for it.
Philosophical people tend to have a different view of the world, and their views will make you wonder. Philosophy is the love of wisdom.
Whenever we had quizzes, we could open our notes and even our phones and use Google to search for answers — and copy word by word!
Some other professors have respect for him despite his method, which makes him look like a bad professor, because everyone knows he knows what he does.
And he is in the field of philosophy, so there surely is a reason behind that.
Maybe he believes that intelligence is not measured by grades and the ability to wake up early. Or maybe he thinks that just because someone is not good in philosophy doesn’t mean they are not good in mathematics.
And maybe he doesn’t believe in the concept of time at all, who knows?
What I am sure of is that he thinks that the education systems in many countries are not helping introverts, which I agree with.
4. You stay in the corner to avoid attention, but you gain attention by staying in the corner.
One of the struggles of introverts that is truly frustrating is that they still get attention even if they do whatever it takes to avoid it.
While I was training myself to be comfortable being alone, I stayed in corners a lot.
During classes, if we could choose our seats, I would sit in the corner. If I was at the library, I would sit next to a wall.
Even on buses and trains, I prefer sitting next to a window. And then I will plug in my earphones and pretend I am in a movie.
I love looking at the surroundings because I can think while I do that. That’s why I prefer a window seat, even on airplanes.
I don’t do that to avoid attention per se, but that is part of that.
Whenever I am in the corner, not everyone will want to be with me because most people want to be where the party is. I don’t want to be where the party is.
According to HuffPost, introverts have a lot of thoughts and ask many questions before deciding whether to go or not to go to a party.
I don’t even go to parties if I can refuse to go. If I am required to attend, I will be in the corner as usual.
Some people know that about me and will let me stay there in the corner, but those who don’t know me well or just met me for the first time often wonder why.
They will ask me, “Why are you here?” Well, because people are over there!
5. It is okay to ask why someone is quiet, but it is rude when you ask why someone is loud.
There is nothing wrong with asking why someone is quiet.
But if your “asking” sounds like you are implying being quiet is a weird behavior, and then you laugh, you might get on their nerves even if they look nice.
Whenever I was asked that question, I just rolled my eyes at them because that was annoying. But if the person asking was a stranger, I would smile — a fake smile.
I don’t think I have responded with, “Why are you so loud?”
“Why are you so loud?” is one of the questions introverts would love to ask extroverts. It is on Unwritten‘s list.
But I have told a few that they were loud, and most of them didn’t take it seriously because many extroverts don’t take many things seriously.
They continued spilling their jokes and whatever nonsense they were saying, which I was receptive to but not necessarily laughing because I didn’t find them funny.
But I find the situation funny — not them.
Last Words
I still experience these struggles of introverts and quiet people as an adult, but the impact isn’t as negative as before anymore.
When I was a teenager, I was still getting to know myself, so I believed what people thought about me and my introversion.
I thought I was weak, an outcast, and even a failure.
Now, I am still getting to know myself because I constantly develop, but the very foundation of my identity has been established.
Introverts struggle! Have you experienced these struggles of introverts?
If you enjoyed reading about the struggles of introverts and quiet people in society, here is a video of me talking about how hard it is to be an introvert:
