Should you wait for emotionally unavailable people? It is not easy to love someone who doesn’t love themselves. If that is the reason why they are emotionally unavailable, the answer is no.
Should you wait for emotionally unavailable people?
If you asked me years ago if I was emotionally unavailable, I would say yes. Confidently. But people change and we meet people who will change our beliefs concerning our emotional life.
That’s what happened to me.
Turns out that the reason why I was emotionally unavailable is that I didn’t love anyone enough at the time. Between the person I love and the person who loves me, I always choose the person I love even if the feeling isn’t mutual.
But I didn’t love the people I liked, and I didn’t love the people who loved me, so I couldn’t choose them.
I feel that there is someone out there who is just for me. Back then, I even kept asking God about it every time I went to church, “Why do I feel like something is missing in my life?”
I know that I shouldn’t look for someone who will complete me because I must be complete on my own. But the gap in my life feels real.
Even the part of me who is not a hopeless romantic and doesn’t believe in destiny thinks that I am incomplete.
7th Sense Physics says those who are happy being single have reached that point because of exhaustion from previous stressful relationships. Maybe I feel incomplete because I lack relationship experience.
Going back to emotionally unavailable people, I was so emotionally unavailable back then, so I know how it is to be one.
Is it possible for them to be available? Yes. Would it be a good idea if you pursued them? Maybe. Should you wait for them?
A much better question is, can you wait for them? The answer is also maybe.
Should You Wait for Emotionally Unavailable People?
Should you wait for emotionally unavailable people?
There are several different reasons why a person is emotionally unavailable. In my case, I couldn’t handle any kind of intimacy, except intellectual.
Or I think a much better way to say that is I didn’t want to be intimate with the wrong people.
According to Verywell Health, demisexuals will not be sexually attracted to someone they are not emotionally attracted to. I am demisexual.
I will share different perspectives here because there isn’t one side to one situation. But I will be straightforward because I don’t have to explain each for you to get it.
And I’m going to use the feminine pronouns because I want to. But these apply to all emotionally unavailable people, regardless of gender.
You should not wait:
- If she rejected you because she is not interested in you (the reason is obvious)
- If she is emotionally unavailable because she just broke up with the ex (you don’t want to be in a rebound relationship)
- Because if it is meant to be, you will meet again once she is ready (this is if you believe in destiny)
- Because she isn’t sure when she’s going to be available
- Because maybe once she becomes available, she is still not going to choose you (and it sucks)
You should wait:
- Even if she already rejected you because maybe she just needs more time to get comfortable with you
- Because she also has feelings for you and you just did something so bad, so she became unsure of you (trust issues)
- Because you want her so much and you can’t imagine yourself being with someone who isn’t her
- Because you want her so much and you can’t bear the idea of her being with someone who isn’t you
- If the reason she is emotionally unavailable is that she is loyal to someone who doesn’t reciprocate her feelings because she might have a change of heart
- Because maybe she just needs time to heal her emotional wounds and fix her issues
But I have a personal preference. To me, if someone is emotionally unavailable, and really emotionally unavailable, it is best if you leave them be.
Don’t wait.
My past self wasn’t the epitome of an emotionally unavailable person, but looking back, I was serious about being unavailable, so those who attempted to make me available just got on my nerves.
It was mostly out of stubbornness. I didn’t like it when people interfered with my decisions, so I hated them simply for that.
But I had personal issues, too, and that prevented me from connecting with other people.
I had low self-esteem at the time, so I feared that if the person got to know me better, they might realize it would be better to live without me. I didn’t feel beautiful enough, so what if they met someone prettier?
Honestly, if I hadn’t improved my physical appearance, it would’ve been difficult for me to think that I could find love. That I deserve to be loved, too. Being physically attractive changes a person’s confidence levels.
It is not easy to love someone who doesn’t love themselves. If that is the reason why they are emotionally unavailable, just look for someone else.
But, of course, if you love the person from the bottom of your heart, it is a different story.
Are You in Love With an Emotionally Unavailable Person?
I said that you shouldn’t wait for emotionally unavailable people, but if you are in love, you will choose to wait even if you are unsure if you are waiting for something that will come.
And that’s not bad.
wikiHow has published a guide on how to wait patiently, which may help you not just when dealing with emotionally unavailable people.
To be honest, when I was emotionally unavailable, I knew that if only one of those men I rejected had become more patient, he would’ve been my first “real” boyfriend.
I have been single for over a decade, so the word “boyfriend” makes me cringe for real.
Judging from that, you could make an emotionally unavailable person available by being so patient with them. Why?
Some of them have become emotionally unavailable because they are afraid of getting hurt. If you want them to overcome that fear, show them you will not hurt them. Simple.
Only those whose feelings are real can wait forever for someone because deep emotions can turn us into fools.
So, if that emotionally unavailable person saw that you aren’t giving up despite the countless rejections, she (let us assume she is a she) would think that you won’t hurt her (on purpose) because you love her.
As a result, she might develop feelings for you, too. It could be mutual!
But then, I am just talking about myself, so maybe it is just me. There are a lot of things that stop me from committing to anyone, but I know that true love will make all of them go away.
I can be happy being single, don’t get me wrong. However, there are some issues within me that I know I won’t be able to resolve by myself.
Sometimes, romantic love is the cure.
Last Words
Some emotionally unavailable people are just afraid of getting hurt. If that is the case, you can make that person available by simply showing that person that your feelings are true.
And I hope that you don’t hurt that person. It is not easy for an emotionally unavailable person to let anyone in. You will be special to them if they choose to take the emotional risk.
Should you wait for emotionally unavailable people?
If you enjoyed reading about emotionally unavailable people, here is a video of me talking about myself during my emotionally unavailable phase:
