Judgmental people judge based on a mere idea they created in their mind of something or someone, or based on nothing at all. Here are the secrets of judgmental people that explain why they judge.
Why talk about the secrets of judgmental people when they don’t deserve anyone’s attention?
Lots of judgmental people everywhere, and they are usually the ones who stop us from doing what we want and make us feel resentful about life.
But let me talk about some secrets of judgmental people that explain why they judge. Been there, done that. I have an idea where they come from:
- You didn’t make the wrong decision. They are just envious that you picked the right option, which they should’ve done when they had the chance.
- Your idea makes sense. It is just beyond their comprehension and capabilities that’s why it looks impossible to them.
- Remember that embarrassing thing you did five years ago? No? But they still remember it because they can’t accept that you’re better now.
- You cut them off because they were toxic? You will always be the toxic one to them because now you are thinking you are better than them.
- You’ve got a nice career, a great romantic partner, and other things they don’t have. They will make assumptions and spread false stories about your success to tame their insecurities.
Let’s begin.
5 Secrets of Judgmental People That Explain Why They Judge
I have always been quiet, but my inner self has always been loud. I don’t speak much, but the only time I stop thinking is during sleep, but even that isn’t 100% guaranteed because I dream.
My most judgmental side appeared in high school. Wealth, popularity, prestige — those mattered at the time. I didn’t have any of those, so I was insecure.
I don’t think I was ugly at a disturbing level, but I was told that I became uglier than I was in grade school.
I don’t think I was dumb either. I was an academic achiever when I graduated.
But I’m sure I was internally unstable, and that resulted in my toxic behavior on top of my low self-esteem and extreme shyness. My life was a disaster.
I started hating life: “Why does life seem easier for them?” They would exert little to no effort and get more than us, the outcasts.
And then asking questions became shouting complaints — behind people’s backs. I seemed innocent but was the devil’s best friend when no one was looking.
I have judged countless people throughout my life.
Let us say that was because of immaturity, but I think I have matured and I still judge some people. Some habits never leave us, or maybe that’s just human nature.
In a post by Lifehacker, regardless of whether someone makes sense or not, respect their opinions because it shows that they don’t simply repeat what others say. They thought about it even though it doesn’t seem like it.
“Judging” has a negative connotation, at least outside of court. But judgments can be good, bad, or neutral. Or reasonable or absurd.
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, judgment is “the process of forming an opinion or evaluation by discerning and comparing.”
If I say her boyfriend looks like a monkey, that is judgment and people might call me “judgmental.” But if I say he looks like Tom Cruise, that is also judgment, but I won’t be “judgmental” because it is positive.
Compliments are compliments, and we can describe as much as we want. But when we do that, we are concluding and thus making judgments.
In this post, though, we talk about “judgmental” people. Making judgments and being judgmental are different.
Judgmental people judge based on a mere idea they created in their mind of something or someone, or based on nothing at all.
I was one of them, and I will now spill some of their secrets. Here are the secrets of judgmental people!
1. You didn’t make the wrong decision. They are just envious that you picked the right option, which they should’ve done when they had the chance.
People make wrong decisions, and some do it most of the time. But even though we basically deal with similar things (which is why we can empathize), what is wrong for someone isn’t wrong for everyone.
We have different strengths and weaknesses, and some can do more and endure more than others.
I can walk every morning alone because I feel bigger than the creeps (I’m a tall girl where I am) and that puts them off, but I was told it was dangerous by people who are smaller than average.
I’m not saying that being tall can protect you from offenders, but people by nature don’t want to attack someone bigger than them and seem stronger than them.
Taller, more muscular, and/or more physically fit people are usually not the first targets. Watch crime documentaries for proof.
I love watching legal dramas, and even there, the victims are usually obviously weaker than the offenders.
According to The Standard, psychological abusers and manipulators target the mentally and emotionally strong because it would be more satisfying if they were able to gain control over them.
Also, I walk alone and do many things alone. People either wonder why or simply assume that I must be lonely.
I can be alone even in public because I have decided many years ago to train myself to be comfortable being alone.
Those who have a problem with aloneness have decided that they need people to feel good, so they feel bad when they are alone, so they think that anyone who is alone feels bad.
That is projection.
But at the back of their minds, they want to be able to do that because doing “social” things “solo” takes courage. That is a courageous act they can’t do.
2. Your idea makes sense. It is just beyond their comprehension and capabilities that’s why it looks impossible to them.
One of the secrets of judgmental people that they might not even know themselves is that they are envious and insecure.
When you have big dreams and you tell those to others, some will raise their eyebrows at you and say you are ridiculously ambitious — and then they will laugh.
We can’t blame them because some things are really out of reach in this world or can be achieved by only a select few, probably because of their wealth and influence.
Sometimes, though, something is out of reach because of one’s limiting beliefs.
This is why it is important to surround yourself with like-minded people.
People who don’t believe in you are not necessarily toxic, and you don’t need to totally cut them off but set them aside.
Cut them off if they laugh at your failures or do things that result in your failure.
Failing is embarrassing, but I read somewhere a quote from Seth Godin that says failing many times still makes you better than others because it means you are taking action. You are doing something.
Usually, those who find joy in other people’s failures are couch potatoes or hopeless people who gave up on life.
3. Remember that embarrassing thing you did five years ago? No? But they still remember it because they can’t accept that you’re better now.
Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting, and there are things we did in the past that still affect us even after many years.
If we catch up with people from the past, those we don’t talk with regularly anymore, the topic will be about the past because that is the only common thing we have with them.
If they bring up that one time when you confessed to your crush and you were rejected or that time when you failed at mathematics, you can forgive them.
But pay attention to how they say it, whether they emphasize it too much, or if they mention it repeatedly.
That way, you will know their intention: to reminisce or to shake your confidence?
4. So you cut them off because they were toxic? You will always be the toxic one to them because now you are thinking you are better than them.
Toxic people exist for sure, but it is a word that many people say because many people say it. Just like the word “self-love.”
If someone’s personality is not compatible with theirs, they are toxic. If they got into an argument and they lost, they were toxic.
Hey Sigmund shares signs a person is toxic.
Some think that anyone whose personality and choices clash with theirs is toxic. But that is a toxic behavior, and they are toxic in this case.
We judge others so much that we forget to look at ourselves and our own behavior. It is helpful to be self-aware.
5. You’ve got a nice career, a great romantic partner, and other things they don’t have. They will make assumptions and spread false stories about your success to tame their insecurities.
Of course, success is subjective. Others want to be rich to be successful, but some just want a stable income and think success is a harmonious family life.
We can’t get everything, and that is okay because we don’t want everything.
But it is possible to have everything that many people want: a good career, a loving partner, and a comfortable life where you can afford what you want.
And it all depends on one’s desires.
A woman happily married to an office worker can be comfortable working as a fast-food service crew even though she earns a minimum wage if it is her desire.
But people think success is about having “too much,” so they will not care about that happily married woman because she is working at a fast-food chain.
If we make her husband a lawyer, she will gain attention because she’s got a perfect life! Thanks to her lawyer husband!
Materialistic people think that everyone is materialistic. A to Zen Life has a post about the characteristics of a materialistic person.
The point is, many people give so much importance to material things, so they notice only the successful people with professional titles, premium bank accounts, and material possessions.
This is why they think they need to have those similar things to be successful.
That is also why they can’t understand it when someone poor or in the middle class can be happy even with a simple life.
Last Words
Quotes that say something like “judging a person defines who you are, not who they are” were written to stop us from hurting others with our judgments.
I think that is true, and what defines the person being judged is their response to the judgment.
Some people made me feel bad about my introversion, and my definition of them is “talkative people who don’t understand introverts.”
Being forced to do extroverted activities makes me resentful of them, so my definition of myself is “a person who doesn’t jive with extroverts.”
Have these secrets of judgmental people enlightened you?
If you enjoyed reading about the secrets of judgmental people that explain why they judge, here is a video of me judging the judgers:
