Before I talk about why you are scared of being loved, did you know that if someone tells you they like you, you will most likely develop feelings for that person? You like being valued, huh?
I was emotionally unavailable before for a lot of reasons, but one of them was because I was scared of being loved.
I was so scared of being loved to the point that I preferred being an unrequited lover and I ghosted when things leveled up.
I think the fear of being loved originates from the lack of emotional connection with our parents when we were young.
Back then, I hated my parents because they favored my brothers over me, so I felt unloved, so I felt like I shouldn’t be loved.
In this post, I will talk about the possible reasons why you are scared of being loved based on my experience and observation.
Here are the reasons why you are scared of being loved:
- You don’t know how to deal with mutual love.
- You dislike getting emotional.
- You dislike pain because it hurts (obviously).
- You love pain that’s why you sabotage your own love life.
- You don’t love them back, and what scares you is hurting them.
Let’s begin.
Why You Are Scared of Being Loved: 5 Possible Reasons Why
I wanted to go back in time and talk about my past self who was emotionally unavailable. I was scared of being loved, and maybe you are, too.
When I reactivated my Instagram account in 2022, I got a message from someone who was so into me back in college. I was expecting it because he had been doing that before he got married.
The conversation flowed. He replied fast, and I replied fast — and then I wondered why I never wanted to give it a try, especially considering that he is a good, respectful, and funny person. And my mother likes him.
We were natural. I could still be sarcastic with him and be the mean person that I was and that wouldn’t change his behavior toward me. He was still happy.
And he still liked me at the time, I believe, because he was straightforward that he wanted to date me and court me. Courting is more of a thing here than dating.
According to wikiHow, the difference between courting and dating is that courting is more serious because family is involved.
He started liking me in 2016 but could be earlier.
One time in 2017, we had a get-together with friends at a common friend’s house. On the way home, he texted me and said he wanted to pursue me and do whatever he could to change my mind. Persistent.
But I kept pushing him away because “I was not ready.” I was scared of being loved.
When he messaged me on Instagram, which was 5 years after we got together with other friends, it seemed he still wanted to do that: to pursue me. In my case, I still didn’t want him to do that. Why?
There were plenty of reasons why I was scared of being loved.
I didn’t feel good about myself, so I couldn’t comprehend why someone would want to be with me. I doubt the seriousness of everyone’s feelings for me.
I was also used to being an unrequited lover, and I didn’t want to leave my comfort zone. Mutual love was an “out of this world” phenomenon to me.
And honestly, I was not attracted to him. He kept telling me he would wait, so I needed to keep rejecting him. It made me feel bad.
If you are scared of being loved, any of the reasons above may be the case. If not, scroll down to learn more about what makes people scared of being loved.
1. You don’t know how to deal with mutual love.
Mutual love is a lot different from unrequited love.
If you are used to being the only person who likes someone, you will be scared of mutual love to the point that you will do anything to keep it that way: unrequited.
I became an unrequited lover in the past intentionally.
The major reason why I was not confessing until it was too late was that I didn’t want them to develop feelings for me while I was “there.”
Confessing was how I get the closure that would allow me to move forward.
Confessing is scary, but only when you haven’t done it yet. Once the truth is out there, you will feel better. BetterHelp shares ways on how to confess your feelings for someone.
I have always been aware that if someone tells you they like you, you will most likely develop feelings for that person; it happens to me.
People tend to be attracted to someone who shows interest in them, especially if no one else does, because deep down, they want to be loved.
I was scared of mutual love because I was used to having one-sided feelings for anyone, so I was keeping my feelings to myself and pushed people away.
2. You dislike getting emotional.
There are more people who are against emotions than those who are good with them. I am overly emotional sometimes, but most of the time, I don’t care about emotions and find them disgusting.
I am this way today and then another way tomorrow.
I can never be consistent when it comes to how I deal with my emotions, which is why I tend to stay away from dating. I may be liking you today, but I might think you are a distraction tomorrow.
Business Insider says being single for so long makes it difficult for anyone to be in a relationship. They are not used to having someone else in their life.
Add the fact that I haven’t been in a real relationship and I am an introvert. Being alone is in my blood, so I think love is a waste of time and energy, and that emotions do nothing but ruin my internal stability.
As a result, I think being in a relationship will just bring chaos to my life. So, I would rather not even if I have feelings for you.
3. You dislike pain because it hurts (obviously).
Love is scary, and you know that. If you have a fear of love or commitment, it is most likely because you are afraid of getting hurt.
If you don’t like getting hurt, then you will not like love.
“What if they lose interest in me? What if they stop loving me? What if they don’t like me as much as I like them?”
Those are some thoughts that you may have if you are under this category.
4. You love pain that’s why you sabotage your own love life.
Love can make you happy as much as it can hurt you.
Sometimes, love is the cure for the pain you feel. Some people have gotten so used to pain that they don’t want to be happy on purpose, so they push love away.
In an article by Verywell Mind, people sabotage their own happiness because it is how they cope with their previous painful and stressful experiences.
I had gotten used to being sad in the past, and that turned me into someone who rejected any type of happiness.
I was not just scared of being loved. I couldn’t be happy about other people’s achievements and had done things that I knew would cause me sadness.
I was mentally ill. My past self needed professional help. *whew*
5. You don’t love them back, and what scares you is hurting them.
I have always been scared of hurting other people, so back then, I avoided men and pushed everyone away. I didn’t want to mislead them or for them to think that they had a chance when they didn’t.
I learned so much from ghosting someone.
I learned that I shouldn’t get involved with anyone until I have moved on from someone, and that rejection is less painful than leaving people hanging. So, I reject people even before they make a move.
Wondering whether you lead people on, intentionally or unintentionally? eharmony shares actions that are considered misleading.
Given that, if you have feelings for me, I want to let you know that you will never have a chance because I am not interested in dating.
It is better if you move on now because I am emotionally inconsistent. I also have trust issues, so I might question everything you do.
Last Words
If you are scared of being loved and you wonder whether it will get better, your willingness to heal your issues can help you get better.
Look at the reasons why people are scared of being loved: Many of them are about one’s fear of getting hurt or hurting others.
Overcome your fear of pain, and you will not be scared of being loved anymore.
Now you know why you are scared of being loved!
If you enjoyed reading the reasons why you are scared of being loved, here is a video of me talking about the time when I pushed people away:
