We love pretending so people don’t leave us, but doesn’t it feel much better to be around people who stay despite our imperfections? Here are the personal development books for self-improvement and growth I recommend!
Reading personal development books alone will not make you a better person. As cliché as this may sound, experience is the best teacher. You need to take action and put yourself in situations that promote growth.
The self-help books I’ve read helped me fix my mindset, but it is what I have experienced that made me who I am today.
Here are some personal development books for self-improvement and growth that I recommend:
- Unfiltered by Lily Collins
- The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy
- Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov
- Goodbye, Things by Fumio Sasaki
- The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson
- Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
- Atomic Habits by James Clear
- Eat That Frog! by Brian Tracy
- Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport
- The Art of War by Sun Tzu
Let’s begin.
10 Personal Development Books for Self-Improvement and Growth
If I had not worked on improving myself, I wouldn’t be here, writing this. I would like to share some personal development books for self-improvement and growth because I realized I’ve changed a lot.
Back then, I had self-esteem issues, was shy, had social anxiety, was insecure, was a judgmental person, wasn’t accountable, was inconsistent, and had self-image issues, among others.
My issues started in high school when I became sensitive to what was happening around me.
I was in the process of becoming aware of the realities of life, so I was internally unstable. I had lots of wonders, questions, and personal issues — and I had to figure out the answers and solutions by myself.
And that’s why I made a lot of mistakes and hurt a lot of people in the past, and I am sorry for that.
I am not the only person who went through that phase. That phase is called adolescence, and that’s part of human development.
Personal development is something that not a lot of people are willing to do.
Some people are content with who they are and what they do, and while there is nothing wrong with that as to each his own, if someone refuses to grow up, they don’t allow themselves to experience more.
My life was boring, to be honest.
Immature people aren’t skilled at life. They don’t know how to forgive and don’t understand that they can be wrong, too, so they blame others for everything and think that it is always the other person who’s at fault.
That results in resentment and anger, which then leads to a sad life.
Don’t live a sad life.
Here are some personal development books that can help you.
1. Unfiltered by Lily Collins
There is a reason why I want to talk about Unfiltered first: It was not the best memoir I’ve read, but its impact on me was unforgettable.
Lily Collins showed, through the book, that we should accept that flaws are part of being human.
If we ignore our insecurities, they will haunt us and we will be scared of them. If we run away from them, they will have power over us.
We look up to celebrities and people who are at the upper level of society as though they were perfect.
What we don’t realize is that they are human beings, just like us, and they also deal with insecurities and other problems that normal people deal with.
Some of us wish to be in their position, in the spotlight, not knowing that deep inside them, they struggle because they can’t be who they are as they should be who their fans want them to be, which are people who can’t have problems.
This is why they keep a lot of their problems to themselves.
“When people point out your differences as negative, it’s only because they’re insecure themselves.”
We tend to believe that we should surround ourselves with diamonds and attention so we can be happy.
But the thing is, we can live a worthwhile life just by having the freedom to be who we really are. We can be happy even though we are living a simple life!
Lily Collins’ story showed that the struggles, pain, and rejections that we encounter in life will help us be the person that we should be.
We love pretending so people don’t leave us, but doesn’t it feel much better to be around people who stay despite our imperfections?
I have a question: Do the people around you know you?
2. The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy
The main point of the personal development book The Compound Effect is that the small actions that we do today are steps toward the much bigger thing.
A lot of us want to get what we want tomorrow, or even later, but if we don’t take things slowly, we will not be able to create a strong foundation.
Let’s take my passion projects as an example.
I built my passion projects from the ground up, and without anyone’s help (apart from the technical support team that I email whenever I encounter website issues).
I did the planning, the designs of the websites, and the conceptualizations before I moved on to the next phase. I first made sure that there was a strong foundation I could build on before I started to think of growth and expansion.
I have big dreams, and I’m taking small steps to turn them into reality.
“The first step toward change is awareness. If you want to get from where you are to where you want to be, you have to start by becoming aware of the choices that lead you away from your desired destination.”
I didn’t rush, and I am not rushing. I’ve been going with the flow because I am also discovering some things about myself and improving the skills that I currently have as I walk toward my goals.
And I am not being so hard on myself. I am not getting things right the first time, so I let myself get lost.
In fact, my passion projects now are so different from my passion projects then. There were ideas I thought were great but really weren’t because either I realized they were ugly or they just failed.
But I attempted, took the first step, and that is better than not doing anything at all. I learned from trial and error, and that is what’s important.
Allow yourself to fail.
3. Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov
I read Why Men Love Bitches when I was in high school if I remember correctly. This has been one of my favorite nonfiction books because this helped me be more confident, especially when dealing with men.
I was exposed to the belief that women should submit to men. When I read this, I began to see things in a different light.
“Standing up for yourself doesn’t always involve verbal confrontation. Sometimes, it’s about not wasting energy on people who are negative.”
Basically, this says that men are more attracted to women who are assertive.
Now, I am not recommending this personal development book because I believe that women should please men, that men should please women, or that people generally should please other people.
Again, this had a positive effect on my confidence, so I am thinking that this could help women with confidence issues.
4. Goodbye, Things by Fumio Sasaki
Most people buy things to show off and consume more to feel superior to others. If you are one of those people, you are probably insecure.
Goodbye, Things is a personal development book about minimalism. I am a minimalist, and I want to say that it feels great to have less!
A lot of people think that material possessions are the key to happiness, but focusing too much on the tangible makes people ask for more, which leads to their dissatisfaction.
“Why do we own so many things when we don’t need them? … I think the answer is quite clear: We’re desperate to convey our own worth, our own value to others. We use objects to tell people just how valuable we are.”
I was one of the insecure people. I started decluttering and stopped spending money on unimportant things in 2016.
The effect of minimalism is more on the feeling that you have as you go on with life. I’m not against materialism because I know that it is good to a certain extent. But when I became frugal and resourceful, life became lighter.
I don’t feel the need to buy the latest gadgets nor do I feel the pressure whenever I see people around me having more possessions than me. I’m investing in those that will make my life after 30 smooth sailing!
I haven’t read Marie Kondo’s book, so I am not sure which is better.
5. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck is a self-help book that, I must say, is a page-turner.
It is human nature to want to please other people, and I admit that I was a people-pleaser before.
Although this personal development book wasn’t what pushed me to stop caring about people’s opinions, this profoundly affected me, to the point that I still remember what I felt when I read the last sentence in the last chapter.
We love doing things just for the sake of being liked. I had lived my life thinking that I was in a worse position than most, so I was jealous of other people’s possessions, looks, lifestyles, and capabilities.
But when I diverted my attention from them to myself, I started to see my potential and my abilities. I realized that I am not worse than others.
“This openness to being wrong must exist for any real change or growth to take place.”
In fact, some people would love to be in my position, have my abilities, have some of my physical features, have a college degree, have the privilege to disregard their college degree and live a creative life, and so on.
You may be believing that the grass is greener on the other side, but try to look at yourself from a different angle.
Sometimes, the reason why your life upsets you is that you are too focused on other people to do the things that can make your life fruitful. You decide how you want to live. Would you take action or keep complaining?
6. Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
You will not consider this a self-help book if you are not open to change and acceptance.
Why Does He Do That? is a book mostly for the abused. It helps them understand what abuse is, how to deal with an abusive partner, and so on.
When I was reading it, I discovered who the abusive people in my life are. And those abusive people were all I thought about while reading the first half of the book.
“The abusive man’s high entitlement leads him to have unfair and unreasonable expectations, so that the relationship revolves around his demands. His attitude is: ‘You owe me.’ “
When I reached the second half, I started to realize that a part of me could relate. It turned out that I was abusive, too, especially during my teenage years.
That’s when it became a personal development for me. It made me more self-aware. I knew the behaviors I should avoid to not abuse the people around me.
My abusive era may be “understandable” because I was a teenager who didn’t know any better, and I was able to change when I reached adulthood.
So as much as I want to be accepting of abusive adults in their 30s, they surely know what they do. I am not sure if these people can change.
7. Atomic Habits by James Clear
When I was reading the personal development book Atomic Habits, I was connecting it to Darren Hardy’s The Compound Effect because the main idea is similar.
We tend to think that if we don’t see any huge changes, then our efforts are wasted. But a small step, done many times, can take you anywhere.
“Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity.”
An example I can think of is this blog. I founded this in 2019, but I started publishing in late December of 2020. I just changed the dates that’s why it seems to have started in 2021.
I have over 70 published posts now, in 2024.
At first, this blog was just a platform where I shared personal stories. I wasn’t even consistently updating this because I got demotivated several times.
But I kept going, and I am happy that I did. Now, I can simply think about how I can turn this blog into a reliable source of information regarding personal development.
If I had quit years ago because of a lack of confidence, well, I wouldn’t have had the confidence to think about reaching more ambitious goals with this project.
The more you choose to be confident in uncertain times, the more you become confident. The more you do something, the more you become better at it.
That is what Atomic Habits is all about.
8. Eat That Frog! by Brian Tracy
Are you the type of person who tends to do the simple, easy tasks first thing because it makes you feel like you’ve done a great job? You accomplished tasks quickly!
Sure, you do you. I understand why you do that because I was doing the same back then.
But the most stressful task in my life is writing a full-blown article, like this one about self-help books, and it feels more relieving if I finish it before the smaller ones.
“You cannot eat every tadpole and frog in the pond, but you can eat the biggest and ugliest one, and that will be enough, at least for the time being.”
Eat That Frog! is about ticking the ugliest, most difficult, or most demanding task on your to-do list before anything else.
And that is a better way to approach your responsibilities even though it is daunting to even think about it.
Accomplishing big tasks is more fulfilling, and it will make your life better if you make it a habit. You can read that if you want to learn more.
9. Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport
Social media is addictive, isn’t it? How much time do you spend scrolling through your feed? How much mental energy do you give to social media people?
I don’t love social media, and this dislike has been going on since I was in college.
I had been stuck in the deactivating-reactivating cycle before I quit for good months ago, even before I read Digital Minimalism.
“Digital minimalism definitively does not reject the innovations of the internet age, but instead rejects the way so many people currently engage with these tools.”
Digital Minimalism just made me feel great about my decision because it understood me, and it even supported my decision.
Quitting social media was the best thing I did for my mental health. And if you are dealing with mental health issues, it might be the solution.
If you are a social media addict, one of the self-help books you should read is this book by Cal Newport.
10. The Art of War by Sun Tzu
The Art of War is not one of the books for self-improvement. It is about warfare. However, you can learn a lot of life lessons from it if you read between the lines and look from a different point of view.
This book is a good read if you want to learn some ways you can outsmart your opponent. Are you vengeful, but you don’t want people to know it?
You can learn many strategies in The Art of War that can be done in secret (because secrecy is important to win a war), and that’s why I loved that book.
“Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt.”
Honestly, I have a vengeful side in me, but I don’t want my enemies to know that I am already ruining their lives.
I fight with no blood and dirt in my hands. I go deep into their heart because that’s more effective.
Last Words
Reading personal development books for self-improvement and growth is a great thing to do if you are not comfortable talking about your problems to therapists, or even your friends.
Personally, I came across Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft because I wanted to understand what was going on with me, but I didn’t want to ask any human being.
Have you added these personal development books to your reading list?
If you enjoyed reading these self-help books I recommend, here is a video of me talking about how these personal development books changed my life:
