I couldn’t participate in class recitations. People rarely heard me speak. But that was then. Here is how to overcome shyness without being an extrovert.
I have learned how to overcome shyness without being an extrovert. Let me tell you my story as well as what I did to reach this point where I can do public speaking without crying. *whew*
I am particular about doing public speaking without crying because, back then, I was having panic attacks whenever I spoke in front of many people. I could not handle the attention! Scary!
Some of you can relate. Are you scared of public speaking, and many more things? Here is how to overcome shyness without being an extrovert:
- You don’t need to be an extrovert if you want to be confident or assertive.
- Put yourself in uncomfortable situations and then make mistakes.
- Stay away from people for a while and focus on your growth.
Let’s begin.
How to Overcome Shyness Without Being an Extrovert
I am an introvert, and society’s expectations among introverts are that they are weak, not confident, don’t speak, can’t act by themselves, and are anti-social.
For some introverts, those are true. Personally, I was all of the above from high school to college. I didn’t want to step out of my comfort zone.
I couldn’t participate in class recitations. People rarely heard me speak. I had done embarrassing things, some of which I shared here.
But despite my shyness, I believed that I was better than everyone. I had low self-esteem but a huge ego, so I wanted to pull down those who were better than me.
I wanted to be the best, at least in my imagination.
It is not easy to overcome shyness and it will take time, especially if you haven’t attempted it before and you don’t have anyone to do it with. Not everyone can stay motivated if they are alone on the journey because of loneliness.
Harvard Business Review shares tips on how to be alone without being lonely.
I needed to overcome shyness alone because I was too shy to seek help and I couldn’t admit that I was shy.
Many people belittle shy people, so I felt like I needed to hide it to not be attacked.
But that is the thing. It is not easy to overcome shyness, but it is also not easy to be shy because society is unfair to shy people.
I had developed many personality issues in the past because of their insults.
If you relate to that and don’t want to keep being the punching bag of those people who can’t be compassionate, here is how to overcome shyness!
1. You don’t need to be an extrovert if you want to be confident or assertive.
One question that I always received when I was a shy introvert was, “Why are you so quiet?” Many extroverts think that introverts are abnormal.
It never failed to put me in a bad mood, so there was a time when I thought I should force myself to be outgoing just to be accepted by everyone.
Being asked that question also made me hate being with extroverts. Almost all of my friends were extroverts, so I hated almost all of them.
It is exhausting to do extroverted things as an introvert. Harvard Business Review advises that if you are an introvert and the situation calls for extroverted responses, take a break afterward!
I was alone most of the time in the past, and that was how I learned to love being alone. I am comfortable being alone now for days on end because of them.
Thanks, rude extroverts.
I learned to embrace my introversion when I got used to being alone and not afraid of being left out. It happened in my early 20s.
I went to many job interviews in unknown places, all of which rejected me. I started earning my own money, so I became independent.
I was angry about how society viewed introverts, and that pushed me to be assertive and confident while still being an introvert.
2. Put yourself in uncomfortable situations and then make mistakes.
If you want to overcome shyness, get out of your comfort zone. That is one problem that shy people have: unwillingness to step out of their comfort zones.
A lot of people were telling me to step out of my comfort zone, and they just got on my nerves. They were pressuring me.
It is human nature that when someone tells you to do something, you will want to do the opposite. But that was just one reason why I got angry at them.
I knew that I needed to speak more, do more, or be more social, but I wanted to do it slowly. I wanted to follow my timeline.
BetterHelp provides a good explanation of what social pressure is, its negative impacts, and how to deal with it.
The problem was that they wanted me to be an extrovert on the spot. It was hard to take the first step, so taking a huge leap, especially as a teenager, was just OMG!
Do it slowly, and don’t make being an extrovert a goal.
You can hear me speak in my videos calmly and confidently, and it makes me happy that I can speak that way now.
No one would think that I was a poor public speaker before. I was really crying because it was making me nervous. I reached this level with practice.
In college, there were lots of opportunities to speak publicly because I majored in political science, which is related to the public: public sector, public speaking, public engagement, public whatever.
We did debates, thesis defenses, reporting, seminars, etc. I cried several times while I was doing some of those things mentioned.
That was embarrassing before, but I am grateful to my past self for trying despite the fear. She was strong!
You should be willing to be uncomfortable and fake being confident until it becomes true if you want to overcome shyness.
3. Stay away from people for a while and focus on your growth.
There is a lot of fakeness on social media, and it is one reason why people are insecure. They feel like they live an ugly life because they don’t live like their social media friends, who might be faking it.
It is not news that many people brag on social media about their things and experiences that were not true, financed by someone else, or made them broke.
When I was a social media user, I admit that I felt like I needed to update people about my travels, new stuff, or anything that other people didn’t or couldn’t have.
Now that I quit social media for good and cut out contact with many people, my life is peaceful. Nothing boiling inside me.
Psychology Today found that people are not honest on social media. They share shiny stuff to be perceived as someone who live a shiny life.
I think it also helps that I am single at 27 because I only need to think about myself.
Being in a peaceful environment is important to overcome shyness.
If you are distracted and surround yourself with people who discourage you, it will be hard to overcome shyness because your motivation levels decrease.
Their words might sway you, and you might think you are hopeless. Overcoming shyness might seem like an impossible goal.
Step out of the noise for a while. Step in once you become a butterfly!
Last Words
I believe there is nothing wrong with being shy. You can be shy for as long as you want, but don’t expect that your life will be easy.
You will be able to achieve more, be more, and be accepted by many if you are more vocal about who you are and what you do. I am telling that from experience.
People will not hear or listen if you don’t speak out.
You don’t need to be an extrovert to learn how to overcome shyness.
If you enjoyed reading how to be an extrovert without being an extrovert, here is a video of me talking about how I overcame my low self-confidence as an introvert:
