When I was not willing to work on my self-esteem, everyone’s advice seemed like criticism. This may seem like an attack if you are not ready, so read how to overcome low self-esteem if you desire self-improvement.
I will talk about how to overcome self-esteem issues because a lot of people have them, and you may be one of those people.
The ways to solve inner conflict are uncomfortable because you will be conflicted in the process. This is yourself against yourself. One part says this while the other says that.
Nonetheless, some of these ways won’t require you to deal with discomfort. Here is how to overcome low self-esteem:
- Have your own beliefs.
- Before you blame others, what was your role in the situation?
- People point out your flaws to put themselves above you.
- Other people can never fix your self-esteem issues.
Let’s begin.
How to Overcome Low Self-Esteem in 4 Uncomfortable Ways
It takes time to overcome low self-esteem. It took me almost a decade to fix mine.
My self-esteem was so low when I entered high school because of puberty, and I dealt with destructive internal conflicts in college because I went against myself many times.
I had a challenging life as a teenager (and I am not the only one who had) because that was the time when I became aware of society’s expectations.
People are kinder to good-looking people. You need to be an extrovert to survive the school life and have friends. Having rich parents also get you friends. It was hard to gain friends.
It also became appropriate to enter relationships, but you need to be good-looking or confident for others to take you seriously. I was ugly, shy, and insecure. It was hard to like me.
Whenever I look back on my past, I wonder: Did I have low self-esteem because of the difficult situation? Or was the difficult situation created because of my low self-esteem?
I think when people started having expectations in relation to my physical appearance, my grades, and my social life, I tried to reach them because I thought they knew better, and that took a toll on me.
There was pressure everywhere. I needed to be who they wanted me to be because that seemed to be the key to living comfortably. Being accepted = living comfortably. No friction.
According to PsychCentral, human connection is a human need.
But there was an imbalance. I couldn’t keep up with their expectations because I had limited mental, emotional, and physical capacity as I was young. So, along the way, I lost my mind. I couldn’t think for myself, so I let others think for me.
I think the difficult situation lowered my self-esteem, but my low self-esteem became worse as I went deeper and deeper into it.
Given that, you need to remove yourself from the situation to fix it. The timeline depends on how far you are in the “low self-esteem tunnel.”
Here is how to overcome low self-esteem based on my experience.
1. Have your own beliefs.
One of the causes of low self-esteem is the friction between who they expect you to be and who you are. This is why teenagers are mostly the ones suffering from this.
Teenagers: Either those who have “teen” in their age or the adults who got stuck at being teenagers because they didn’t learn to overcome low self-esteem before adulthood.
Self-esteem issues start at the beginning of adolescence. It is where the major transition happens, and whatever happens will impact who we will be as adults.
Based on an article by Psychology Today, all teenagers are adolescents, but adolescents are not only teenagers because adolescence can start at as early as 9 years old.
If you keep letting others have control over your perception of yourself, you will be immature, naive, or “easy.” Others will feel okay stepping on your toes.
You don’t have the courage to call them out after all. And they can get away with whatever they do because, well, what is “bad” in your opinion?
Having low self-esteem can make us believe that what is good for others is good for us. If something is not bad for them, then it must not be bad for us, too.
To overcome low self-esteem, you should overcome your desire to please them and to conform because you fear social rejection.
Have your own beliefs, even if those beliefs contradict theirs.
2. Before you blame others, what was your role in the situation?
It is easy to blame others, but it takes two to tango. Even though the other person was the major cause of that unpleasant thing that happened, you had a role.
Maybe the other person deceived you, but you were deceived because you wore rose-colored glasses. Wearing rose-colored glasses was damaging only to you, but that was your role regardless.
According to Grammarist, the phrase “wearing rose-colored glasses” is like seeing a dump site full of garbage as a magical wonderland with good fairies and rainbows everywhere.
I am passive when dealing with people because I have an idea why they do what they do. I take the time to understand them. I am considerate and tolerant.
But doing so allows other people to treat me disrespectfully, hurt me, and manipulate me, to name a few. I enable the action, basically.
That is my role: the enabler. And that can be anyone’s role.
So, the next time you find yourself being the victim of someone, ask yourself why it became possible. You can be innocent and still be an enabler.
3. People point out your flaws to put themselves above you.
If people make you feel bad about your flaws, they feel inferior to you.
They feel like there isn’t anything good about them, so they put you down as it seems the only way for them to “stand out.” You are blocking them.
Instead of being mad at them, let their actions motivate you to make the change that you want.
Healthline says that having low self-esteem means not liking yourself and feeling inferior to others. So, those who insult you have low self-esteem.
They are the people you must not be, so let them do what they do while you work on your self-esteem. You can’t fix that situation because the problem is within them.
That is beyond your capability. You can’t fix other people by yourself. They must cooperate and do their part. They should be willing to face their inner demons.
4. Other people can never fix your self-esteem issues.
When I was not willing to work on my self-esteem, everyone’s advice seemed like criticism.
I felt like they were insulting me, but they were just telling the truth. I was just stubborn to admit that I was problematic and thus in need of fixing.
According to Reader’s Digest, being self-aware is important in personal development. If you don’t know how you behave, you will not know which behaviors to change.
I wanted to stay in my comfort zone because I didn’t want to feel uncomfortable. Obviously.
But if I hadn’t changed my mind, if I hadn’t embraced discomfort, and if I had kept on believing that those pieces of advice were insults, I wouldn’t have matured.
It was my choice to mature.
Some will insult you, but some care enough about you to tell you what’s wrong with you. If you mistake their care for envy or hate, it is right that you read this post.
It may be time for you to choose to mature and fix your self-esteem issues because other people can’t do that for you.
Last Words
A lot of personal issues stem from low self-esteem. You don’t believe in yourself. You don’t speak up or share your opinions because what if they don’t care?
You overthink every action you take, and that is so stressful. If you want to live a life that isn’t stressful, learn how to overcome low self-esteem.
I hated it when people told me to step out of my comfort zone, but they were telling the truth: No one grows inside it. You have to challenge yourself so that you can be better.
Hope this post on how to overcome low self-esteem helps!
If you enjoyed reading how to overcome low self-esteem, here is a video of me talking about the struggles I had before I was able to overcome low self-esteem:
