It may be too late to fix the damage, but learn from that experience and don’t do the same thing to others. Let us talk about how to let go of the past.
Let us talk about something that doesn’t exist anymore: the past. How to let go of the past… a problem that makes us lose our minds!
It is impossible to forget the past because that is part of us.
If we had not gone through some situations in the past, we wouldn’t have reached this place where we currently are. Right?
But it holds us back sometimes, which is why we need to learn how to let go of it. Here is how to let go of the past, at least in my opinion:
- Learn the lessons so that you don’t do it again.
- Know that you have hurt the person. Your worrying will not change anything.
- Accept that you were young and dumb.
- You will not move forward if you keep looking back.
- The person you hurt might have forgiven you.
Let’s begin.
How to Let Go of the Past and 5 Reasons Why You Should Do It
I did many embarrassing things in the past, so I cringe whenever I look back. Creepier than Annabelle the doll!
But then, I was young, dumb, and immature. I didn’t know any better, and I had to make mistakes to be any better.
My past self disgusts me.
I hate it to such an extent that, today, I don’t want to see the people I was with at the time. They make me remember things I don’t want to remember.
I actually don’t talk to most of my old friends anymore. If people make you feel uncomfortable, cut them off. So I cut them off.
According to Metro, if you cut ties decisively and don’t look back, you may have an unresolved personal issue from the past.
That applies to family as well.
I don’t talk to some relatives because they are negative, and some are prying. They also witnessed my past self, and they want to bring it up sometimes.
You can’t let go of the past if people around you keep reminding you of it. Cutting people off is a necessary step in the process.
Let us now proceed to the reasons why you should let go of the past.
1. Learn the lessons so that you don’t do it again.
How to let go of the past? First, learn the lessons so that you don’t do it again. Have you learned your lessons? I have.
Sometimes, it is too late to fix the damage, but you have learned something. Use that newfound knowledge for the future.
If your action resulted in a painful consequence, don’t do the same thing to people you will meet from that time onward.
I remember the second person I liked because our story ended with a lesson. He kept ignoring me until I confronted him and asked for closure.
He gave me closure, but I waited so long for that.
The Conversation says if there is no closure, you will keep wondering what went wrong or think about a lot of whys because you want to fill in the gaps, solve the puzzle, and answer some questions.
It ended with me telling him that he shouldn’t do what he did to me to others because it doesn’t feel okay to be stuck, waiting for clarity.
I was 16 back then but already philosophical. *ahem* We parted ways with no hard feelings. I think the ending was good.
If our paths cross, I will greet him and talk to him as if nothing sad happened between us. That’s what a proper closure does to people.
2. Know that you have hurt the person. Your worrying will not change anything.
If someone hurts me, I will hate the person but not for so long. There comes a point where the only thing that matters is the pain they inflicted.
I can forgive the person with time, but I will never forget the pain. Many people will resonate. They will forgive, but forgiving doesn’t fix the damage.
No one is obliged to forgive those who did them wrong. Psychology Today shares insights into when it is okay not to forgive.
So, let go of the past because you may be the only one who cares. The person you hurt may be doing everything to not think about it.
They want to let go of the past, too.
Even if you weep for a decade, what happened can’t be undone. If you want to stop worrying, apologize to release the emotional burden.
But know that apologies are not a remedy for emotional wounds. If you hurt the person, even if it was unintentional, you hurt the person.
3. Accept that you were young and dumb.
Not everyone thinks about the possible consequences of their actions. This is common among people who haven’t dealt with a situation before.
I haven’t experienced being a mother, so I will surely make mistakes when I become one. I haven’t been in a real relationship, so I might do foolish things.
Mind Tools has a short guide on how to learn from your mistakes, which is important to avoid hurting people in the same way again.
You are a beginner. You don’t know how to navigate the situation yet. You can forgive yourself if the reason why something bad happened is innocence.
There are times when you will hurt others, and even yourself, no matter how much you think before you act. You are simply human.
Humans make mistakes.
4. You will not move forward if you keep looking back.
You will be stuck if you dwell on your past.
That one terrible thing you did or was done to you will always be part of you. No matter how much you worry about it or hate it, it will not disappear.
Larry Wall: “You can’t change the past. You can’t even change the future, in the sense that you can only change the present one moment at a time, stubbornly, until the future unwinds itself into the stories of our lives.”
You can’t change the past. The only thing that you can change is today, and what you do today determines your future. If you want to feel better, be present.
The pain will still be there tomorrow even if you spend your whole day crying. You are just giving yourself a headache and ugly eyes. Ssssh!
5. The person you hurt might have forgiven you.
Sorry is one of the words that I think are cliché, so I don’t feel anything when people say that word to me. I am sorry for that.
I think I need to see the person crying before I can believe that the apology is coming from the heart. I have to see it to believe it. I am sorry, again!
Want to apologize and get good results? Healthline has tips for apologizing because it is hard to do. Good thing, you are willing to do it!
But I forgive people even if they don’t say sorry, and others can do that. When you forgive, you feel better because you don’t feel heavy.
You are “people,” so forgive yourself if needed. All of us make foolish decisions.
Last Words
I have observed that being on social media all the time, looking at the post updates of people from your past, makes it difficult to move on.
I quit social media for good. Not knowing what is going on in other people’s lives, especially those I met in the past, is good for mental health.
Social media detox, or the more broad digital detox, is something you may like to consider if you want to let go of the past. Read more about it here.
Hope you learned how to let go of the past!
If you enjoyed reading how to let go of the past, here is a video of me talking about my past issues and situations, which I have let go of:
