Years ago, I had body issues and didn’t look attractive enough, and there were people who pointed out my flaws in an insulting way. Let’s talk about how to improve self-esteem!
Before I talk about how to improve self-esteem, a disclaimer: I’m not a self-esteem expert, but my self-esteem before was so low that it ruined my teenage years, so I know it very well.
I did lots of embarrassing things that I don’t want to remember anymore because of it, so I know how destructive it is.
Here are some life facts to remember if you want to improve your self-esteem:
- People will always have something to say no matter what you do.
- Most of the people who point out your flaws have low self-esteem just like you.
- Don’t live for others if you don’t want to die for them.
- Most of the beliefs you hold on to were imposed by society or other people.
- People don’t think of you as much as you think of them.
Let’s begin.
How to Improve Self-Esteem: 5 Life Facts to Remember
I’ve been mentioning self-esteem since the first blog post, so I thought of writing about how self-esteem issues can be overcome.
But before anything else, it is not easy to improve self-esteem, so expect that you will struggle and it will take time. It took me years to fix mine!
I think it was just in my early 20s that I faced my personal issues head-on.
Dealing with personal issues is actually scary because there are uncomfortable things that you have to admit to yourself. You have to be real with yourself.
But let’s go through it together, shall we? Here is how to improve self-esteem.
1. People will always have something to say no matter what you do.
To improve self-esteem, remember that people will always have something to say no matter what you do.
It is not uncommon for me to be compared to my mother, but there was an incident back in college that I just can’t forget because it was too absurd: “Why aren’t you like your mother? You should be like her!” Someone said it to me.
I was 20 during that time. My mother, on the other hand, was 40.
Again, I was 20. I was in college. Even though I wasn’t one of the outstanding students, again, I was in college.
If I were pregnant at the time, I would’ve been judged for it. I am particular about being pregnant because when my mother was 20, I was inside her.
So if I had decided to follow in my mother’s footsteps, I should’ve been a mother by now.
I’m not judging young mothers who became mothers due to unplanned pregnancies, but in this society we live in, it is usually frowned upon.
According to the National Library of Medicine, one reason why teenage parenthood is being frowned upon is that teenagers aren’t fully developed yet, so how could they raise a child by themselves?
So that person who told me to be like my mother would also tell me to be like my mother had I chosen to be like my mother. She wanted me to be 40 years old at 20, basically.
People will always have something to say no matter what you do. In fact, even if you don’t do anything, some people will still have something to say.
That said, instead of caring about what they think, why not care about what your future self will feel when you look back on this day?
2. Most of the people who point out your flaws have low self-esteem just like you.
You may be thinking that my life has been easy because of my looks, my family, my lifestyle, my creativity, my abilities, or anything that I have that you don’t, but the thing is, all that I am and I have are results of hard work.
My life before my 20s wasn’t as good as it is now.
Years ago, I had body issues and didn’t look attractive enough, and there were people who pointed out my flaws in an insulting way.
My family was struggling financially, so I couldn’t afford what other people had.
I wasn’t an achiever, and some people were making me feel bad about it because “I should be like my mother.” I wasn’t speaking and participating enough, and I was underestimated because of it.
I am an introvert, and most classrooms are not introvert-friendly. We Are Teachers shares ways to support introverts in classrooms.
All of that worsened my already-low self-esteem.
Things only started to change significantly for the better when we moved out and left my father (I’m not blaming my father for all the unpleasant things that had happened, don’t get me wrong) in 2018.
Although I encountered difficulties after that, those difficulties existed so I could become who I am now, so I consider them “good” difficulties.
But this isn’t about my past self.
When I look back on those times I was “the victim” of insults and judgments, I see that “the perpetrators” were doing it because they were either insecure or immature, or both.
In an article published by A Conscious Rethink, people judge people to protect themselves and fool themselves into believing that there are other people who are lesser than they are.
Insecure because they thought that all was good in my life, and immature because, well, we were young back then.
Also, I myself was a judgmental person before.
I envied those who were doing better than me and were living a better life because they were more attractive and louder, so I was putting emphasis on their flaws so that I could fool myself that they were not any better at all.
And that’s the reason why I believe that those people who make other people feel bad about their flaws are insecure, immature, and also have low self-esteem just like the low-self-esteemed people they are insulting: I was one of them.
Been there, done that. *hair flip*
Just ignore them and focus on yourself. You won’t see your beauty and be able to let yourself shine if you pay attention to their negativity too much.
3. Don’t live for others if you don’t want to die for them.
Another life fact to remember to improve self-esteem is: Don’t live for others if you don’t want to die for them.
I understand that there are people we have to consider when making decisions, especially the major ones. However, you should put yourself first because it’s your life.
Personally, I care about my mother’s opinions, but I’m not afraid to go against her because I am willing to face everything that will result from the actions that I take.
She knows that, so she just lets me do whatever I want, even if it’s risky.
I am a rebellious daughter, but I’m not giving her problems because I pick myself up and I don’t neglect my responsibilities, so she isn’t against the fact that I am against her most of the time.
Kind of disobedient, but that’s how we are: sisters but with solid boundaries.
You, whose opinions do you care about the most? If there’s something that you refuse to do because other people won’t like it, ask yourself, who are those other people?
Are those other people more important than yourself? Are you willing to die for them? Are they that important to you?
There are people whom I don’t talk to anymore because they just don’t fit in my life anymore. I’ve grown so much and I’ve changed my direction in life, so we don’t connect anymore.
Metro says that you either burn bridges or rebuild bridges. If you are the kind of person who cut ties decisively and doesn’t look back, you may have an unresolved personal issue from the past.
That’s part of being human. We shouldn’t stop ourselves from doing what we really want for fear of being misunderstood and alone on the journey.
It was scary at first, but I’ve experienced suppressing who I really am just to be at the same level and on the same path as the people around me, and that didn’t feel good. I couldn’t breathe properly!
Let yourself breathe properly. Start caring about what you think!
4. Most of the beliefs you hold on to were imposed by society or other people.
There are a lot of things that I’m questioning now, and it’s because I am no longer just accepting everything that society presents to me.
Most of my current beliefs are unpopular, so I’m not talking about them carelessly. A lot of people will find them unreasonable or downright foolish. They just won’t understand.
But I am wondering, are you in your 20s or older? If so, when you have time, list down all the things you believe in and try to sort them out: Which beliefs are yours and which were from society or other people?
If you want to improve your self-esteem, you should have your own beliefs!
According to English Plus Podcast, beliefs shape one’s identity. If you simply believe what other people believe, then you don’t have your own identity.
Don’t measure your success based on other people’s definitions of success. Don’t think that you don’t deserve to be happy because you aren’t as wealthy as other people.
Don’t think that you are dumb because you don’t have a college degree. Don’t think that you don’t deserve to be loved because you aren’t as beautiful as Anne Hathaway.
Be comfortable with yourself. You won’t be able to live a good life if you let other people tell you who you should be. It should be the other way around: Show them who you really are!
5. People don’t think of you as much as you think of them.
If you think that other people are judging you every time you make a move, think again.
The thing is, other people have their own problems, issues, responsibilities, and insecurities that they have to deal with, so you don’t occupy their minds for more than an hour — unless they have nothing better to do.
Harrison Wendland made a good point that’s in connection to this. People may care about others, but they will care more about themselves at the end of the day.
And that’s the thing. If you are sure that they are thinking of you the whole day, then their life may be uninteresting and boring.
And look at yourself. You are thinking of them so much, so I am assuming that your life doesn’t excite you.
It is time for you to stop overthinking and start using your brain cells to improve your self-esteem and make your life more exciting!
Last Words
I know it is hard not to care about other people. I myself still get affected by what they do sometimes.
However, if you want to improve your self-esteem, and really want it, you have to face your fear of being judged.
There are things that I am scared of even though I have worked on my self-esteem. But instead of letting those fears control my life, I am trying to control those fears.
How to improve self-esteem? Remember those life facts!
If you enjoyed reading this short guide on how to improve self-esteem, here is a video of me talking about my self-esteem issues:
