There are people out there who resent you because you never apologized. Before you point your finger at anyone, make sure that your hand is clean. Let us talk about how to forgive and why forgiveness is important.
You should learn how to forgive because you are not as innocent as you think.
Personally, even though I don’t hurt people intentionally, some of the things I do hurt them. I am someone who has to be forgiven by some people.
Likewise, you are the person who has to be forgiven by others. We tend to think that we can’t do anything wrong because we know where we are coming from. We can justify our wrongs.
But sometimes, you are a toxic friend to others. If you find it hard to forgive someone, here are reasons why you should at least consider doing it:
- You hurt people, too.
- We can’t please everyone.
- Some of the people who hurt you regret it, but they don’t know how to make amends.
- You hurt people, but you never apologized.
- You can’t live a good life if you hold on to the past.
Let’s begin.
How to Forgive Someone and Why Forgiveness Is Important
Forgiving is not easy even if you are the kind of person who forgives easily, like me.
Some “careless” actions will leave a mark on your life or leave an emotional wound, and it will change you in some way. You will forgive but never forget.
I have been misunderstood, insulted, and underestimated. I have been the subject of rumors, some of which destroyed me, and been backstabbed.
My life wasn’t easy, believe it or not.
I am an introvert, and everyone knows that society is harsh on us. I am professionally unlucky. I have been unemployed many times (sending applications here and there), and never had a “good boss.”
Many of those who quit jobs actually quit bad bosses. Indeed has published an article about the qualities of a good boss.
When I was young, I had low self-esteem because I was shy, and I felt like an outcast. I have considerable confidence now, but people think I can’t be hurt because I look strong.
In reality, I cry at night because there are events in my past that still hurt me.
I have a small circle because I hold grudges. I am indifferent to a lot of people because a lot of people caused me pain. I have forgiven them, but I don’t feel happy with them anymore.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean erasing the pain from your memory. You also don’t need to reconnect with them if it makes you uncomfortable.
It means releasing the anger and resentment caused by the past so that you can focus on the present. If that sounds good to you, here is how to forgive people, even those who never apologized.
1. You hurt people, too.
When you have emotional wounds or have dealt with unpleasant life circumstances, you think that it is okay to hurt people. You will think, “I experienced worse than that, so they don’t have the right to hate me.”
Your struggles make you feel entitled. You think that because life was so harsh to you, those who have better lives than you owe you forgiveness or understanding.
That’s the least that they can do.
If they refused to forgive you, you would feel hurt and disappointed. Now, you would believe that they must apologize to you for “being insensitive.”
I was like that before. I thought that because I was kind to others, even to those who were not kind, I should be rewarded. I thought I didn’t deserve to get hurt.
I also thought I could never do bad things.
I think I am more good than bad. That is why whenever I looked at my actions, I often overlooked the bad ones. If the bad ones were too bad to ignore, I would convince myself that my intention was good.
Inc. says good people don’t realize it when they do bad things because what forced them to do it is good from their perspective.
We are biased when assessing ourselves. We blame others too much when sometimes, we are to blame for the chaos in our lives, and that chaos sometimes affects everyone.
How to forgive others? Remember that you hurt people, too.
Sometimes, the reason why you are blaming others is that you are guilty about something, mad because you were found out, or mad because you didn’t like what they did.
Sometimes, it is you and not the other person. Pause then ponder before you put the blame on someone else. You might be deceiving yourself without even knowing it.
2. We can’t please everyone.
We misunderstand people and people misunderstand us. It happens.
Not all of those who hurt you wanted to hurt you. Sometimes, the action had a negative impact, but there was good intention behind it. We can’t please everyone, and we can’t control other people’s reactions.
Anyone who is in their right mind can have an idea of how their actions will affect others, but no matter how careful you are, there is someone who will be negatively affected by it.
So, in some cases, you didn’t do anything wrong. They just reacted in a way that you didn’t expect. Or they didn’t do anything wrong. You just misunderstood them and their intentions.
3. Some of the people who hurt you regret it, but they don’t know how to make amends.
We always face the consequences of our actions. All the things that we did will come back to us eventually, so those people who did you wrong will feel guilty maybe not now, but someday.
According to Taylor Swift, karma is a bitch.
When it happens, it might be too late, so they will not know how to make amends.
I did one thing back in college that I am still regretful about because I never apologized for it. I admitted it six years later, but the person who was terribly hurt wasn’t even there when I did.
He never heard my side of the story. He never got any apology from me. I just accepted that our friendship is totally over because I don’t know how to make amends.
I also don’t know whether I should make amends. Does he still think about it, or has he forgiven me and he wants to not think about it — and me — anymore?
It happened many years ago, so I don’t know if my apology will still make a difference. But I think I am okay with us not being friends anymore.
4. You hurt people, but you never apologized.
Some people hurt me but never said sorry, but I also hurt people and I never apologized to many of them. I believe you will be able to relate to that.
How sure are you that there is no one out there who wants your apology? There were times when you chose to run away instead of apologizing and admitting where you have been wrong.
People usually run away because they are scared. It is scary to admit to ourselves that we can do bad things, isn’t it?
In an article published by A Conscious Rethink, some people can’t admit they are wrong because they can’t accept the fact that they are imperfect.
I don’t know who you are, but I am sure that there is at least one person in your life you have to apologize to, but you can’t do it for some reason.
We are all on the same page. There are people out there who resent us because we never apologized, so who are we to demand an apology?
Forgiveness doesn’t require apology. You should learn how to forgive even if you don’t hear the word, “Sorry.”
5. You can’t live a good life if you hold on to the past.
There was a situation in the past that I had a hard time letting go. I was so angry. I cried almost every night because of the pain.
But it lasted only for about one and a half years. Only.
It is not possible to cry over the same thing for so long. It gets tiring. You will reach a point where you want to forgive because you don’t want to be sad anymore.
Verywell Mind says it is normal to be sad, but you may be depressed if you are always sad.
I couldn’t focus on what I had to do. I couldn’t appreciate life because I was overcome by anger, so I was not living a good life. Looking back, that was a waste of time and energy, and tears.
When I let go and accepted the situation, my life started to improve.
The reason why forgiveness is important is that you can pay attention to the more important things in your life once you do it.
Unless receiving an apology is the most important thing to you, forgive.
Last Words
I know that it is hard to forgive people.
Even though I have learned how to forgive some people in my life, I can’t talk to them because I feel like doing so will invalidate the struggles I dealt with because of them.
But most of the reasons why you should forgive people are connected to you. It is hard to be happy when you are holding on to something that occurred in the past.
You have to be present and focus on the things that you can change if you want to create a better life for yourself.
Learning how to forgive is one thing. Learning how to forget is another, and the way to do it is to get into an accident that damages your brain to get an amnesia.
You don’t want that.
Now you know how to forgive, but will you do it?
If you enjoyed reading how to forgive and why forgiveness is important, here is a video of me talking about the people I haven’t forgiven (oh, forgive me):
