I often felt uncomfortable around “friends” because in all of the circles I was part of, my introversion had been an issue. Let us talk about how to deal with extroverts as an introvert.
Why should you know how to deal with extroverts as an introvert?
Because sometimes, they say things that make us feel like there’s anything wrong with us. You should learn to control your response so that you don’t feel like there’s anything wrong with you.
Many of the issues I had in the past were rooted in my disappointment with how society viewed introverts. But before I express more of that disappointment, here is how to deal with extroverts:
- Cut off extroverts who think you are less than them because of your introversion.
- Stay friends with extroverts who understand your differences.
- Admire extroverts who make a positive change to the world.
Let’s begin.
How to Deal With Extroverts as an Introvert
I have more extroverted friends than introverted ones, and I was hesitating to start off with that because I don’t feel like I still have friends at this point.
Last year, I still kept in touch with a few of them. But I evaluated my social circle, and I realized none of them knew me at all.
And honestly, I don’t think I know them enough for me to consider them my close friends. We became friends because we studied in the same school.
We graduated over five years ago. A lot of things have changed since then, and I don’t see a common ground among us anymore.
I cut the connection off. That is a harsh-sounding word, but it happened slowly and with no pain at all. Just nostalgia.
Cutting the connection off doesn’t mean I must never talk to them if we meet in person. I don’t have connections with strangers but I can talk to them.
We drifted apart as we made decisions that aligned more with who we really are individually. It happened for the better.
Psychology Today shares signs that you and your friends have grown apart.
Or, maybe I am the only one who thinks that because I can end friendships easily.
I believe I mentioned in another post that I have friendship issues. The thing is, when I entered puberty, I became more shy and anxious than usual.
I was talkative, playful, and confident as a child. When people around me noticed the flip in my personality, they started asking me questions.
Why are you so quiet? Why are you not answering my questions? Can you speak more loudly? Can you speak at all?
As time went by, I met new people, but those old questions still haunted me. Maybe it was not their intention to insult me, but that was what I felt: insulted.
I wanted to speak more, have an answer to all of their questions, and be more loud. I just couldn’t for some reason, but no one tried to understand that.
I lost friendships because of my quiet personality, but initially, it was not because I cut them off. They cut me off because someone else seemed more fun to be with.
That hurt because I was attached to them. I cherished the friendship.
But because I didn’t want to get hurt again, I remained unattached to everyone and didn’t take friendships seriously. That is still the case until now.
That is why I end friendships easily.
I don’t think I have friends, but I feel happier this way.
Looking back, I often felt uncomfortable around “friends” because in all of the circles I was part of, my introversion had been an issue.
I wasn’t perfect and I know that I had issues in the past, but some of those issues wouldn’t have existed or gotten worse if they had not questioned who I was.
Without further ado, here is how to deal with extroverts as an introvert.
1. Cut off extroverts who think you are less than them because of your introversion.
I read Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport because I wanted to take my digital detox to the next level. In your case, you may want to start the detox.
I quit social media for good last year, and I recommend you do it if all you see on your feed are posts from friends you barely or don’t even talk to in real life.
You can read Goodbye, Things by Fumio Sasaki as well as watch The Minimalists and The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck on Netflix.
Maybe they were a friend of a friend Facebook recommended to you years ago, or maybe they were the extroverts you don’t want to hear from ever again because they mocked your introversion.
I know that insensitive extroverts exist because I met them.
Instead of asking why you are so quiet, they would order you to speak. Could you do this? No? Then you are useless!
In my senior year in high school, I was a Cadette. There was a teacher who suspended me from duty in front of other officers because she thought I couldn’t make other students follow me.
That same teacher told me in front of my classmates why I couldn’t be like my older brother when she asked me to read a passage from a book, and she couldn’t hear me. There was “heir” in the passage, and I didn’t know how to pronounce it.
The word “hate” is too light to describe what I feel for her. I was 15 when it happened, so her words went too deep into my heart.
2. Stay friends with extroverts who understand your differences.
I had extroverted friends who understood me, but life separated us. They decided to pursue a career different from mine, or I think it’s the other way around.
I chose to pursue my dream: a writing career.
But we only talk when we meet, and we meet maybe every five to ten years. I met one of them in April of 2023, after six years.
According to The Power of Misfits, it is normal to drift apart from friends if friendships are not your priority. I don’t prioritize friendships, so I have no friends I can call friends, and that is okay.
I studied college in Manila, so most of my friends live there. I live in a city, which is in a province, two to three hours away from them.
We also have things to do, so we don’t have time for each other.
We can’t even think about each other because of the stress that comes with being an adult. They also think about other people now.
I think they are my friends, but not “friends” friends if you know what I mean.
These people I have nothing in common anymore. If we talk, we talk mostly about the past. But we are on good terms.
People grow apart as they discover who they are and what they really want to do. But it doesn’t necessarily cut off the connection.
If you have extroverted friends you still enjoy spending time with even though you or they are now on a different path, you can continue cherishing the friendship.
3. Admire extroverts who make a positive change to the world.
I was a weak introvert, meaning I couldn’t speak out, move freely, or express myself at all because I felt like I would be judged.
Those weren’t toxic traits, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to live happily if I stayed that way. Society stomps on the quiet, weak, and invisible.
In an interview, Susan Cain said that extroverts thrive in society because it favors “action over contemplation.”
My desire to get back at the bullies and show them that introverts could be strong pushed me to improve myself and make better choices than them.
But now, actually, I don’t care about them anymore.
If you expose yourself to people worthy of admiration, you will realize that revenge is an unpleasant word.
You act on your emotions, and it might make you do things you will eventually regret. There is some immaturity in it.
Also, introverts have limited energy. If you use all of that in taking actions that hopefully make their life difficult, it rots your heart and mind.
It is okay to be mad, but why not use your madness as fuel to do something great, which may catch the attention of the people you resent?
The best revenge is not to be like your enemy, according to Marcus Aurelius.
Last Words
How to deal with an extroverted stranger who is on the other side of the room, but their voice hurts your eardrum? It’s too loud!
What you can do is to adjust. Be in a different room, plug in your earphones, or put up with it unless you are willing to engage in a verbal fight.
You are not willing to do that, of course.
Now you know how to deal with extroverts as an introvert!
If you enjoyed reading how to deal with extroverts as an introvert, here is a video of me talking about how I dealt with the extroverted people around me:
