The projection that has been the issue in many relationships lacks empathy. They are focusing on themselves rather than the other person.
Empathy or projection?
How do you know if someone is putting themselves in someone else’s shoes or projecting their issues? That is a question that I thought I should answer.
I do that after all.
But which of the two do I do? If you have read my other blog posts, I always talk about my own experiences, and then I assume that you can relate.
My goal for sharing my personal stories is so that you feel you are not the only one going through or who went through a particular situation.
I need to be vulnerable so that I don’t sound like a pretentious know-it-all, thinking I know what you deal with without ever experiencing something similar.
Everything that I share here are things I have experienced, and I’m just extracting the lessons in case you need help navigating it.
For sure, I am empathizing with you. But I don’t know your story that is why I am sharing different perspectives.
Those different perspectives are the shoes, and it is your job to wear whatever fits.
But projecting is essentially assuming that others are like you. I am assuming that people are like me, so am I projecting? Maybe.
The difference between empathy and projection is almost non-existent, although the latter sounds bad to many.
In order to understand what others feel, you need to put yourself in their place and think about how you would respond not just to whatever happened, but to your “imagined” action toward them.
Positive Psychology says different people have different coping mechanisms, but there are 5 major coping styles.
If you told them everything would be okay, would that be received positively? Or would it be better to let them cry?
Should you hug them? Or would it be better to call their mom and let her hug them because that would make a bigger impact?
“If I were in their situation, what would I do? What would I need?” That is what empathetic people ask themselves.
But the answer to that question — the action that will be taken — is projection. You now conclude that what you think is the case is really the case.
Empathy or Projection: What Is the Difference?
The projection that has been the issue in many relationships lacks empathy. They are focusing on themselves rather than the other person.
If someone falsely accuses their partner of cheating, it could be because they are cheating themselves or they are paranoid.
It could also be because their previous partner cheated on them in the past, and the situation makes them remember that memory.
Or maybe their father cheated, and they are worried: What if I became like my mother?
It is all about the personal issues and experiences of the person projecting. But if you include empathy in the picture, projection will reap good results.
If you assess the situation objectively and connect it to your dealings, you can have an idea of what others might be feeling.
The details in our stories are different. But all of us get hurt, fall in love, lose loved ones, lose sleep, encounter difficult people, get sick, go to work, and the list goes on and on and on.
At the core, we face similar challenges. That is what you should look at when trying to understand others.
Yes, I have been single since 2010. You may think I know nothing about relationships, but people around me enter and leave relationships. I learn from their experiences.
Yes, I haven’t lost a mother. But I love my mother and I fear that day she leaves the world. I can imagine that day to properly comfort a friend.
Yes, I am not a parent, so who am I to tell you not to neglect your child? But I am someone’s child, and I felt neglected growing up. I have an idea of what your child feels, as well as what they wish for.
Yes, I haven’t experienced a real breakup — the breakup between couples. But I had friends who ditched me for someone else, and I believe the pain is close to what you feel if not similar.
You haven’t experienced getting fired without a warning, but you will understand what I felt if you think about that time you were abandoned.
We haven’t killed a person, but we don’t need to kill one to know the consequences. The news tells us.
You can learn by observing the experiences of other people, especially if you see cause-and-effect patterns. Verywell Mind says it is called social learning.
We tend to think that no one will understand our circumstances because the characters and the setting are different.
But millions of novels exist, and we can still detect cliché storylines. Why? Because only the characters and the setting are different.
There are cliché storylines in reality, too. If you analyze your and their situations, you will know what can happen if you do something.
Why do people hide their feelings? It is common knowledge that fear of rejection is the major culprit.
Why do you push people away? I don’t need to be you to know why you do that. I did that many times in the past, so I have an idea why.
Why did he ghost you? I ghosted several times in the past, so I can give you insights, which you should take with a grain of salt because I am not him.
Do people change? You are too mad at them that’s why you don’t believe they can change. But people can change, and I am proof. You might be proof, too!
Last Words
Both empathy and projection can stand alone. But if you would choose only one, choose empathy because projection without empathy makes you irrational.
You use feelings with empathy, but you are still looking at the situation objectively that’s why you will likely do something positive with it.
Projection by itself is very much subjective as the focus is on you, most especially your issues. This ruins relationships.
Empathy or projection?
If you enjoyed reading my attempt at explaining whether it is empathy or projection, here is a video of me sharing examples of empathy and projection:
