Do liars change? Before we answer whether liars change or not, if you try to change liars, make sure you aren’t a liar yourself or at least not telling more lies than the one you are dealing with.
Do liars change? I believe *some* liars change.
One toxic trait of mine is I teach people around me lessons by going straight to their weaknesses, and I do it quietly, without them knowing it
I wanted to say that I have a “gift” of reading people and foreseeing how they will respond behaviorally and emotionally, so I know how to heal them — or ruin them — with no loud noises and external chaos.
I would rather go in because that is how I can be more impactful.
In this post, I am going to answer the question: Do liars change? I will also talk about how I deal with liars, so take this with a grain of salt.
I have met many liars in my life, and I believe some changed for the better because of what I did, albeit in a painful way. Here is how to deal with them:
- Go straight to the point and tell them to stop lying, and hurt them a bit.
- Figure out why they lie and help them address that issue.
- Point out the inconsistencies if you want a gentler approach.
- Leave them because you can’t change them.
Let’s begin.
Do Liars Change? How to Deal With Liars If You Want Change
In college, I had a friend who lied too much, and some of her lies were beyond believable. I had ignored it for long enough before I talked to her about it.
Honestly, I was observing her. I wanted to see how far she could go.
I was not the only one who knew that she was lying about a lot of things. But she was our friend, so it was difficult to confront her and hurt her feelings.
But what I did was turn other people against her. There was a time when most of our friends were not talking to her.
Looking back, I was manipulative. Verywell Mind shares some characteristics of a manipulative person, which you may want to check out.
I put her in that situation because her lies had reached the point where she was already playing with people’s feelings.
It was one guy friend’s feelings. That guy cried to me one afternoon in 2016, and I thought she had some lessons to learn. So I made her lonely, and sad.
Months later, we were eating lunch, and I told her why she seemed to be enjoying lying. I knew it was because she needed attention and wanted to feel good enough because of her family situation.
She disliked me for saying that and doing what I did. She told me that her trust in me “decreased,” but that was understandable considering I hurt her.
But I eventually became one of her most memorable college friends even though we barely talk now. I saved her from her own demons.
What I did was the turning point for her.
So, do liars change? She doesn’t lie as much as before, so I believe liars can change. But let us talk about how to deal with them.
1. Go straight to the point and tell them to stop lying, and hurt them a bit.
If you tell them to stop, know that the person might not take you seriously and may even lie more than before.
Some liars enjoy annoying people, so if you showed them that you are annoyed, they would like that and would want to annoy you more.
Those liars are either pathological liars who have mental disorders or compulsive liars who may or may not have them. Or they may simply want to rebel against whatever, probably a rebel without a cause.
If you meet a pathological liar, you can’t change them. Pathological liars require professional help, and the cause for their lying is deeply rooted in their lives.
If a compulsive liar, it is more possible for them to change because the reason why they do that may be as simple as lying became their habit.
That friend I talked about earlier, I believe, was a compulsive liar. But she was able to get out of that dishonest life when she felt some deep pain.
Pain makes people bad and resentful, but it can also change them for the better.
It may be traumatic, and the pain might last until death. But it makes us stronger in some way, and it may result in a better situation.
There is no single type of pain that changes people. Her Way talked about how pain changes people in different ways.
Sure, you can tell them to stop lying, and you might get a good response from them. But you can add a painful element to your approach to make the impact massive, and even turn their life upside-down if you think they need it.
Although I think this requires some skills. You have to know their weaknesses to know where to hit them, but you need to be delicate and careful to avoid chaos.
If you handle the situation carelessly, they will be furious and the situation will not turn in your favor. Sad.
2. Figure out why they lie and help them address that issue.
When you are not comfortable with yourself and feel like you are lacking in many areas, you will lie hoping that others don’t see that you are not as okay as you want them to believe. A pretender.
Many people are wearing masks because if you don’t fit in or pass the standards that society has set, you will be part of the minority that unfortunately suffers and deals with cruelty and oppression.
Who wants to live a miserable life? Who wants to live in a world where no one likes them for who they are, flaws and all? No one. That is one reason why people lie.
But if you are part of this group and you feel like you have to be like “them,” you may be insecure and have low self-esteem.
According to Healthline, when we compare, we compare our flaws to other people’s strengths. This is why it makes us feel bad.
I was part of this group, and I must say it was terrible to be in this group.
Embrace who you are and free yourself from this ugly side of society. Who cares if you don’t have a perfect body? Who cares if you don’t earn seven figures annually?
What you should care about is how your life will be years from now. It is important to focus and enjoy the present, but we should think more about our future selves.
Life goes on. Give yourself some good things to look forward to!
People who care too much about shallow things will ruin your happiness. Choose to be with people who accept you for who you are, flaws and all.
3. Point out the inconsistencies if you want a gentler approach.
Some people lie not because they want to make others miserable, but because they are forgetful and don’t pay attention to their own words and behavior.
They do it without them knowing it.
In this case, they don’t mean to cause any harm, so I think a gentler approach is better. And the gentler approach is simply pointing out their inconsistencies. Like, “You said last time that…”
Sometimes, people take actions that hurt others without knowing it is hurtful. Ideapod has ideas on how to be gentle with everyone, good or bad.
Also, things change. Situations change. Feelings change.
What was true before may not be the truth today. I could say, “I am going to finish this today!” But then a client assigned an urgent task to me, and I suddenly had to stop writing and continue this tomorrow.
Not all lies are lies. Something just came up! Or they just changed their minds!
But if their ever-changing mind is hurting people, that is not good. If you are fickle and can’t do something about it, just don’t say anything and leave people alone.
It is disappointing to be with you. And painful at times.
4. Leave them because you can’t change them.
Do liars change? Only if they want to!
You probably know this already, but some liars have mental disorders. If you encounter a pathological liar, it will be difficult to change them because they themselves are not open to changing themselves.
Reader’s Digest says that being self-aware is important in personal development. If you don’t know how you behave, you will not know which behaviors to change.
It is best if you just walk away and accept the reality that these people don’t feel bad about fooling people and being seen in a negative light.
They don’t care about what you think of them, and they will just like it if they know that their lying is affecting your mental health.
You will only frustrate yourself if you keep sticking around them, so leave.
Last Words
Do liars change? Before you try to change liars, make sure you aren’t a liar yourself or at least not telling more lies than the one you are dealing with.
I believe that there isn’t anyone in this world who never tells lies. A white lie or a black lie, if you will, is a lie and can affect others negatively.
Do liars change? Some of them do!
If you enjoyed reading my explanation of why some liars change, here is a video of me talking about how you can deal with liars if you want change:
