I am a hopeless romantic who believes in destiny, but I always end up being heartbroken despite my loyalty to the people I have feelings for. Let us talk about the dangers of being single for so long.
I will talk about some dangers of being single for so long because they exist. I have been single since 2010 — thirteen years!
Even though I am not clueless about love (because I learn from other people’s love lives), I know that there are things in relationships that you need to experience firsthand to really learn the lessons.
But before I share more about my lack of firsthand experience, here are some dangers of being single for so long I personally am worried about:
- Anything that feels like love is indeed love.
- You are too inexperienced to know when you are being disrespected.
- Being in a relationship may frustrate you.
Let’s begin.
3 Dangers of Being Single Based on Experience
Okay, I already disclosed that I haven’t entered a relationship since 2010. I was 13 years old when I had my last. That was a terrible last.
You may think that I’ve chosen to remain single because my last ex traumatized me, but no. I actually don’t even think about my last ex anymore.
What he did was terrible because they (he did it with his friends) played me, but I have let go of that quickly. It was a high school puppy love. I didn’t overthink it.
The reason why I have been single for this long is that no one has reciprocated my feelings yet.
I want to be in a relationship with someone I already have feelings for. I would choose the person I love over the person who loves me if they were different people.
theAsianparent asked their readers which they would choose between the person they love and the person who loves them, and 85% chose the person who loves them because it is “practical.”
Also, I’ve been an unrequited lover since I became single. Actually, even when I was in a relationship, it was unrequited. Only I cared.
I don’t know how wonderful mutual love feels like, so I don’t crave it. That is another reason why I am still single in my late 20s.
If anything, I crave not feeling anything. Even though I was single, I was liking people still, so my heart was operating.
I wanted to be attracted to no one once again just like in childhood. It is happening now, and I want to savor this kind of freedom.
And that is one more reason why I am still single.
There are many different sides to one story. And I don’t mean to say that the first person is the first side, the second is the second, the third is the third, and so on.
In reality, the first person may have 5 stories to tell about something, and the same goes for the other people involved.
So, sometimes, someone is inconsistent not because they are lying. There are just different factors at play on their side.
Like, I want to be single for many more years because I love freedom, but I also want to be in a relationship because I want to hug someone.
But of course, I am an idiot when it comes to relationships. These dangers of being single for so long worry me, so maybe it is better to remain single.
1. Anything that feels like love is indeed love.
I remember when I first wrote about this.
I was in college, in the process of learning to write properly in English, trying out new words, and I used the word “quintessential” for the first time.
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, quintessential means the “perfect example of something,” and I think I encountered that word only four times in my life.
I deleted that piece alongside the other pieces I wrote from 2019 backward, so I can’t share that sentence here.
But the very point of that was, if someone has been single for so long, they tend to mistake any spark for love.
That is dangerous because even if they don’t love the person, they will think they are in love, so they may do things they should not do.
And then they will regret it once they realize the truth about their feelings.
Honestly, this happens to me. I have lived my life with men, my brothers, but I am still not comfortable around many of them.
Sometimes, it is because they seem creepy. Other times, it is because my heart starts beating faster, and I don’t know why.
I know I am not in love, but what do I know? What if I am in love?
I am a hopeless romantic who believes in destiny, but I always end up being heartbroken despite my loyalty to the people I have feelings for.
Sometimes, I think that maybe the reason why no one has reciprocated my feelings back then is that I am supposed to be with this person in front of me.
Assuming someone is in front of me.
2. You are too inexperienced to know when you are being disrespected.
This is a problem, especially if you are too good. A martyr who thinks that being forgiving and lenient will reward them with something great.
I admit I was a martyr, and I think that is why I had been loyal to a fault to my previous loves. I might have enjoyed the pain.
I have never been in a real relationship, but I was once in a situation that showed me what being disrespected within a relationship looked like.
I don’t want to elaborate on that because I have no right to complain to begin with. It was a one-sided situation, as usual.
But I will share why it became possible for me to be disrespected. My behavior welcomed that kind of treatment. *whew*
I am selfless, and that is not a good trait to have if you are with a selfish person. You will give more than you receive. You may even sacrifice some things for them.
It is also not good to be understanding if the other person is, again, selfish.
If they do something that hurts you in some way, you will think that they might be dealing with something stressful or maybe they are tired.
But the reality is, they just don’t care about you. But of course, you understand. They will start caring about you next time, you will think.
If you can relate, I don’t blame you. You think that all relationships are like what your parents have: You will stay through thick and thin.
That is the only relationship you are very much exposed to after all.
If you don’t know how to be a girlfriend, wikiHow has published a guide to act like a girlfriend and not a wife. You should read that, or we.
If there is one thing that I learned from that experience, it is that there are things about relationships I don’t know about, even after reading and watching lots of love stories since childhood.
Some things you can totally understand only with firsthand experience.
3. Being in a relationship may frustrate you.
You have been “free” for so long. You have built a personal system and set personal goals that, obviously, involve only you.
If someone comes into your life and you are obligated to text them, answer their calls, and spend time with them, they will seem like a bother.
I was on a talking stage with someone back in college, and I ghosted him because I suddenly realized I couldn’t let go of my freedom.
It was fun talking to them. We even met several times and went home together. But the connection wasn’t strong enough for me to want to be with him.
And I realized that was the first time I talked about him. Or maybe I mentioned him briefly in my other posts, and I just can’t remember it.
Ryan Hart says talking and dating are different. So, being in the talking stage with someone doesn’t necessarily involve feelings.
I don’t think we dated, but we were getting there. I think he liked me because he texted me several times when I disappeared.
I was 19 or 20 when I met him. I am 27 now. If the idea of commitment scared me back then, just imagine how much it scares me today.
I have these personal projects. Can I share these with someone? Well, will they want to be involved in these?
My personal projects feel like children to me now.
They don’t need to help me with parenting, but I will dump them if they say anything unacceptable about what I do.
Last Words
When I was a TikTok addict, I saw a video of a woman forgetting that she had a boyfriend. I think that is one of the dangers of being single for so long.
I found it funny because I could relate. I am not on social media and have this habit of ignoring text messages and calls.
Once I enter a relationship, he might think I am spending time with some other guy when I am just reading a book about how to be a better girlfriend.
Enjoyed reading the dangers of being single for so long?
If you enjoyed reading about the dangers of being single for so long based on my experience, here is a video of me talking about how creepy relationships are to me:
