Extroverts and introverts can be friends. But based on my experience, this will only work if both can adjust to their differences.
Can extroverts and introverts be friends? Of course, but this type of friendship doesn’t always work.
Their personalities are different, so their interests clash. One wants to ride a hot air balloon while the other, wearing a parachute, wants to jump from it.
I have had many extroverted friends, and my life with them was a rollercoaster. Here is how extrovert-introvert friendships usually work:
- They invited you to have a coffee date with them, but with their other friends who aren’t your friends.
- They want to go on an adventure, but you want to stay in the room. But you must force yourself to move, or you will kill their joy.
- You are in the mood for an adventure, but they are stuck on their phones.
Let’s begin.
Can Extroverts and Introverts Be Friends? How It Works
Can extroverts and introverts be friends?
They say everyone becomes an introvert once they turn into adults. That’s a joke, but people will start craving solitude at some point in their lives.
But even before I became an adult, I was already moving calmly and disliked divided attention, which sounds like a demanding, possessive word.
What I mean by “divided attention” is that we were supposed to spend time together, but why did you welcome “outsiders” in our quality time?
Outsiders could be my friends’ other friends who are not my friends, or my friends’ friends on social media who should be the least priority considering my body and soul are with them.
I often encountered this issue with my extroverted friends back then, which is why I didn’t always enjoy being with them.
I lost friends because I was too quiet for them, so maybe that is why I give importance to undivided attention. I might be fearing abandonment.
But if I were your friend and we went on a vacation, but all I did was scroll through my social media feed or talk about my other friends with you, what would you feel?
For sure, you would feel neglected. It doesn’t matter whether you are introverted or extroverted. That is just somewhat disrespectful.
I honestly crave having an introverted close, close friend. Someone who barely uses social media, enjoys reading, and is comfortable with silence.
I had introverted friends, and I think I am more introverted than them. I might have done something that pushed them away.
Introvert, Dear says that introverts can be friends with other introverts because they understand each other, and they obviously have common interests. If you just want to exist, they will not think you are boring.
Extroverts and introverts can be friends. But based on my experience, this will only work if both can adjust to their differences.
In my case, I forced myself to do what they wanted to do many times, but they rarely understood it when I wanted to do nothing.
I was boring to them, and they thought my disinterest in doing what others were doing was me being “weird.” Or me being a “killjoy.”
They honestly frustrated me, so I unfriended some of them in real life.
You will notice below that this post is focused on the introverted friend. If you are the extroverted friend, you will still understand the point.
Can extroverts and introverts be friends? Let us talk about how a friendship between an extrovert and an introvert works based on my experience.
1. They invited you to have a coffee date with them, but with their other friends who aren’t your friends.
There is nothing wrong with having a coffee date with their other friends who aren’t your friends, but they should’ve told you about it.
What happens often is that you will know there are other people involved only when you are already in the coffee shop, or wherever your meeting place is.
Personally, I don’t enjoy being with “unexpected” people because I am selectively social. It is not because I hate them or anything.
A selectively social prefers spending time with their close friends. UpJourney shares signs of a socially selective person if you are curious.
I would assume that they wanted to be with me that’s why they wanted to have coffee with me, or whatever activity.
If I saw other people at the table, that would be disappointing. I would think, “So I am not as special as I thought?”
2. They want to go on an adventure, but you want to stay in the room. But you must force yourself to move, or you will kill their joy.
I have been told I was a killjoy many times by several friends, even the introverted ones that’s why I consider that I might be.
But like I always say as a defense: I want to take a rest. If they force me not to take a rest and make me feel guilty about it, aren’t they the killjoys in my life?
I am stubborn, so most of the time, if I say I don’t want to do it, nothing will make me do it. But it was different back then.
Stubbornness has a negative connotation, and my parents hated me for it. But according to Psychology Today, it is a good thing if you put it to good use because you will do whatever you can to reach your goals.
Before I reached this point where I got tired of their guilt-tripping, I adjusted to their energy levels almost always.
I decided not to spend time with them anymore because the friendship was exhausting. And I don’t totally blame them.
Introverts are exhausting to extroverts sometimes. I believe there were times they found me annoying.
I was just doing us a favor. Ending the friendship was for the better.
3. You are in the mood for an adventure, but they are stuck on their phones.
I dislike being with people who are stuck on their phones because I don’t do that. I may be unresponsive online or via text, but I am responsive in person.
That is more important in friendships and any relationship: being present.
I remember when I was in the sea with my friend, and she left me there so she could communicate with her other friends via social media.
It happened twice that is why my disappointment reached a point where I don’t talk to her anymore.
If you want to cut off a friend, invite them to a coffee date and spend the whole time looking at your phone. Deutsche Welle says that too much phone use can make you lose real social skills.
Maybe she thought I was too sensitive and dramatic. You might be thinking of that. Like, I am ignoring her just because of that?
But anyone who is not trapped in the digital world will understand how I feel.
Try to live your life with less internet. Do you know how many books I have read last month?
I recommend you read Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport if you want to improve your well-being and relationships.
Last Words
Even though I have some hatred toward extroverts because of their annoying “why” questions, I don’t think they are insensitive people who don’t know how to stop talking and pay attention to other people’s boundaries.
Maybe some are insensitive and rude, but even some introverts are insensitive and rude. Introverts have toxic traits that hurt others. I wrote about that in this post.
Can extroverts and introverts be friends? If they compromise!
If you enjoyed reading about my take on whether extroverts and introverts can be friends, here is a video of me sharing my experiences with extroverted friends:
